PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Jes' George And Me

If I were a golf course, I’d want to be George Wright, a course so deeply wedged into Hyde Park’s confusing maze of streets that people anywhere outside a two-mile radius would have no clue how to find me. Because I’m the kind of golf course that needs people to care about me before I allow them to go chopping off chunks of my grassy skin with their clubs. You can’t just stumble upon me and start poking me full of tee holes. I’m old fashioned that way.

Despite the fact that I live within a two-mile radius of George Wright, I don’t get there very often. I’m usually busy during daylight hours making great strides in extending the lives of humans and solving the world’s intractable problems, and it’s hard to golf at night. But with steady rain in the forecast, I knew the ruffians who normally prowl the links with their clubs would fear the moisture and go into hiding, and maybe I should take advantage. My Pop-Warner football coaches used to say, “What are ya, made of sugar? You melt in the rain?” No. But most people would prefer to be dry.

Still, there’s nothing like rain to keep your golf course free of people. Not that I don’t like people. But, to tell you the truth, I’d much rather they stay off of my golf course.

This makes it sound like I have a golf course. Au Contrare. Despite my excellent breeding, I don’t “have” a golf course of my own, except on those occasions when it’s raining hard enough that no one else is on the local public course, which makes it look like “my” course.

20171025 114102

On this recent rainy visit to George Wright, I felt like some kind of intergalactic traveler, landing on an out-of-the-way golf planet that was largely undiscovered. When I tell you that I saw no other golfers, I don’t mean that I saw just a golfer here or there: I mean I saw 4 people total, and all of them were groundskeepers. This allowed me to play as many balls as I liked on any given hole, which is a treat when you tend to fly as many balls into the leafy woods as I do. I feel it’s always best to ignore those errant balls and drop another. And then another. And then a fourth.

Those are the ground rules on my golf planet, and no special visa is required to be admitted. All you need to do is figure out how to get here. 

  313 Hits
  0 Comments
313 Hits
0 Comments

Trumpian Gun-Tweet Haikuage

2nd Amendment
Issue an apology
Demented shooter
 
Come on, gimme something.
 
Contemplating moving these haikus into their own little permanent spot on the website. Thinking, thinking...
  293 Hits
  0 Comments
293 Hits
0 Comments

Trumpian Football Tweet Haiku

MAKE AMERICA
GREAT AGAIN! “Stand for Anthem.
Sit for game.” Wacky.

Or maybe you'd prefer a Puerto Rican-themed Trumpian Tweet Haiku:

Cannot keep FEMA
In P.R. Forever. That’s
What I’m dealing with
 
Can't wait to see what you can produce.
  263 Hits
  0 Comments
263 Hits
0 Comments

More Trumpian Haikuage

 
Crooked Hilary
discredited “Dossier”
NEWS ORGS FABRICATE

Your turn.

 

  239 Hits
  0 Comments
239 Hits
0 Comments

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!