PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

A Blast of Arctic Hair

Attending a show at the Paradise Rock Club in Brighton, I’m amazed to find the sidewalk out front entirely ungoverned by the malevolent plotting of ticket scalpers. How is this even possible? Don’t these partially-evolved sharks still possess remnant prehistoric scent-blobs hidden in their armpit hair that enable them to sniff out shows for which demand is extremely high? Plenty of juicy, vulnerable young people milling about would be only too happy to overpay for a ticket to see the Arctic Monkeys and Alex Turner’s newly-designed head of greased-back hair. The ticketless fans on the street quickly learn what scalpers have known since the show was first announced: entrance would be managed via will-call, and none of us queued up would be coming to the rescue with a fistful of tickets to resell at a 400% markup.

As the line to enter the club inches along, an older guy (which is to say my age) emerges from inside and asks a woman who had gotten in the line behind me, “Did that guy in there charge you more than $50 for a ticket?” Busted! The man assures her she isn’t in trouble, so she admits that, yes, she gave some dude $100. She is then brought into the venue and given her $50 back. The man who did this for her, I am told by someone standing next to me in line, “is the owner” of the Paradise. (I wouldn’t give that too much credence, frankly. People in lines are always telling me things that later prove to be entirely false.)

The perfect ending to this story has the lone scalper – probably not a “professional” per se, but just a regular Joe trying to cover his own cost – getting summarily tossed from the joint, bouncing down the sidewalk on his arse the way they illustrate expulsions in cartoons. Alas, no such luck. Still, there’s plenty to celebrate when ticket scalpers and their buy-low/sell high schemes are effectively neutralized.

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Tuesday, 17 July 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Russia: "nothing to

do with meddling." Why isn't

Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel

Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL

I’ve done nothing wrong

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book

Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

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Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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