PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Big Shoes

As of man of below average height, I’ve spent an inordinate amount of time at rock shows looking at the backs of other people’s heads. If I may slightly overdramatize for effect, the hopelessness a (short) rock show aficionado feels, standing in sea of noggins that are bopping above his own, is something like what a hiker caught in the forest after dark must feel, hearing distant sounds of running water or an occasional car passing on a lonely road, but having no idea how to reach the noise. I’ve looked up with envy on my friends who stand 5’10” or better, imagining what they must being seeing from those lofty heights in places like the Middle East Night Club. Embittered, I give up on watching the act and just get another beer.

Cut to the early part of the current century: I am informed by an extraordinarily tall friend of mine (whose height is really of no consequence here, but I mention it because, man, this guy is tall) of the impending appearance an old folk musician – name of “Bob Dylan” – in the Harvard basketball gymnasium. A wily veteran of rock show ticket lines such as myself (this was borderline pre-internet sales) of course managed to secure admission for 4, including the aforementioned tall guy. Then, I went to work on getting tall myself. Surgery is not my bag, and I had already schemed with a girlfriend in the 1990s to concoct an inflatable shoe. Having failed in that effort, I finally resolved to make use of the tools of false height that already existed: platform shoes. A four-inch platform would enable me to see the aging folk-rocker (or whatever you want to call Bob) perform songs that sound almost, but not exactly, unlike Bob Dylan songs1.

 

DSC 0970rThe shoes on the right actually changed my life

I was embarrassed beyond words when I first donned these and strolled across the JFK Street Bridge with my friends, but then I realized that no one really looks down at your shoes. Certainly not during a rock show. I have now worn these to 20 or so shows and wouldn’t dream of going to one (purposely) without them.

 

1Thanks to the late Douglas Adams for this, and other, clever phrases.

 

 

Bitter Drink
New Reality Show: Deflating Dads
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Guest
Monday, 23 July 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Russia: "nothing to

do with meddling." Why isn't

Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel

Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL

I’ve done nothing wrong

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book

Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!