PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Bring Back Lady Sybil!

If Lady Sybil isn’t brought back this season of Downton Abbey as a ghost or, at minimum, a fond memory, I’m going to launch an international protest. You’ve got every conniving Shakespearean backstabber this side of Sochi embedded in the script, but what, you can’t find a way to insert a ghost? And not just any ghost: this would be a totally amazing ghost. Lady Sybil? Come on!

Picture it: Tom and Mary fall into bed together (you know it’s going to happen!), and they’re about to – well I won’t say what they’re about to do – when suddenly Sybil flings open the door. Tom screams out and covers his privates. “What’s wrong?” asks Mary. Tom ignores her and instead addresses Sybil: “She’s feeling unwell, my sweet, and I was just…um…er…taking her temperature. Yeah, that’s it! It’s the latest technique.”

Mary sees nothing of her dead younger sister, but who comes traipsing through the door? The ghost of her husband Matthew! Of course, he pays Mary no mind, preferring to mime a modern-day playboy, looking over the tops of his Ray-Bans at…who or what the heck is he checking out up and down? Mary wonders.

Unlike Tom and Mary, we, the viewer, are able to see both apparitions, who make eye contact with each other and exchange highly suggestive nods, as though to say, What’s say we get out of this stodgy old mansion? And then they’re gone! (Until next week).

Comin' Thro' The Wry
Going, Going...
 

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Tuesday, 17 July 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Russia: "nothing to

do with meddling." Why isn't

Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel

Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL

I’ve done nothing wrong

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book

Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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