PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Dr. Hart To Cardiology - Stat!

 

In 1989 (were you even born yet, young blog reader?), I got into an ugly car accident that resulted in some broken bones, lots of blood, and for my (then) girlfriend, a lost front tooth. We were lucky to be alive, considering the car was carrying a few 15-lb. weights in the cargo area, which upon impact were sent flying from the back of the station wagon and straight through our windshield, missing our heads by inches.

In the emergency room, I was seen by a plastic surgeon named Dr. Stern. If my life had been set in a sitcom or daytime soap, he’d have appeared at my bedside with a scowl and knitted brows, sternly wagging an index finger at me for having failed to buckle up. A more appropriate name for this physician might have been Dr. Jolly, as he arrived to look upon me with a big smile despite my recently rearranged face. “Looks like ya lost some of your nose! We’re gonna hafta borrow from Peter to pay Paul.”

St. Elizabeth’s administrators wanted to kick me out of the hospital that day because it seemed like I had no health insurance (au contraire!), but later agreed to keep me a day or two in case I needed to get cut open to fix a punctured spleen or something along those lines, having discovered that I had broken ribs. So I got a bed on one of the wards, where the resident assigned was actually named “Dr. Jolly.” A portly fellow, his name seemed apt for about half a second. “Don’t ever become a doctor,” he told me with a grunt and a frown. This was a young physician putting in 36-hour shifts who hated his life. (Who thinks this is a sensible way to deliver medical care?) He gave me lots of Morphine and Demerol to blunt the pain and went off to deal with his next patient in a most un-jolly manner.

When my friend Chowder visited me and heard about Dr. Stern and Dr. Jolly, he told me that he’d heard of a dentist named “Dr. Chew” (Dr. Chu, in all likelihood), and a pulmonologist named Dr. Leung.

One has to believe our vast world contains many more of these synergistic names: podiatrists named Dr. Foote; urologists named Dr. Pees; laryngologists named Dr. Speech. Perhaps in Germany, there is even a proctologist named Dr. Schitz (pronounced “sheets” no doubt), who occasionally comes to the US for proctologic conferences and has his named unfortunately mispronounced.

Your Change, Sir
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Sunday, 23 September 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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