Floss Your Way To Total Health
When I turn 125 and the media start questioning me about my secrets to longevity, I’m going to claim it’s all about flossing. The young folks in the crowd, people under about 90, will erupt in laughter: “That ol’ geezer McVay! He’s still crackin’ them jokes.”
But it’s no joke to me. My teeth are kept flossed so that they remain in my head. What, just because of my advanced years I should automatically be relegated to the soup table? I don’t think so. I insist on being able to chew in my old age. We “centenarians-and-a-quarter” are still in great health, primarily because we've kept the spaces between our teeth uninhabited by food particles.
I know what you’re thinking: every scrap of my body will have been replaced at least once by then, with highly-evolved products of my own Computerflesh® body part replacement system, from which I will have made zillions.
Except my teeth. Because the fact is, even Computerflesh® will have a hard time making excellent facsimiles of human teeth, and the ones of us who live to see another day of chewing do so because we’ve been flossing assiduously since the Reagan era.
Cue a chorus line of dentists, doing leg kicks.