PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Floss Your Way To Total Health

 

When I turn 125 and the media start questioning me about my secrets to longevity, I’m going to claim it’s all about flossing. The young folks in the crowd, people under about 90, will erupt in laughter: “That ol’ geezer McVay! He’s still crackin’ them jokes.”

But it’s no joke to me. My teeth are kept flossed so that they remain in my head. What, just because of my advanced years I should automatically be relegated to the soup table? I don’t think so. I insist on being able to chew in my old age. We “centenarians-and-a-quarter” are still in great health, primarily because we've kept the spaces between our teeth uninhabited by food particles.

I know what you’re thinking: every scrap of my body will have been replaced at least once by then, with highly-evolved products of my own Computerflesh® body part replacement system, from which I will have made zillions.

Except my teeth. Because the fact is, even Computerflesh® will have a hard time making excellent facsimiles of human teeth, and the ones of us who live to see another day of chewing do so because we’ve been flossing assiduously since the Reagan era.

Cue a chorus line of dentists, doing leg kicks.

Big League Chutzpah
Camera Versus Mirrors: A Smackdown In Reverse
 

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Wednesday, 26 September 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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