PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

For Sale

When I put my house on the market, I plan to concoct clever language to set it apart from all the other hip roof colonials offered for sale. Beds and baths? Quiet little street? That’s for sellers with no imagination or guts.

“Party Central!” will be my opening salvo. “Dude, check it. Twelve-hundred bottle wine cellar. Hot tub. Cold Tub. We got tubs up the yin-yang.”

Am I being totally honest? No. On the other hand, who really knows the definition of “up the yin-yang”?

“Roof Deck. Tiki bar. Master suite with co-bidets. Double ovens? Don’t kid yourself. We got quadruple ovens. Next door neighbor who'll take out your trash and do your taxes free of charge (‘I find it relaxing’ he says). Old farm across the street soon to be converted to conservation land (or, possiby, a skateboard park).”

I will demand see the underlying financials of the buyer, the buyer’s spouse, the buyer’s lover, and the parents of all these people, just because I want to pry. Finally, I will require that all offers include a 2,000 word essay explaining each buyer’s emotional connection to my abode.

All offers due in 15 minutes.

Hacktivistas
When I Die
 

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Wednesday, 19 September 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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