PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

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Full Moon

There comes a time in every male person’s life when he must finally make use of the fly on his trousers. Standard-issue zippers that sit front and center on one’s pants are useful to humans of the female persuasion mainly to aid in getting slacks on and off; to us males, it serves the more practical and essential function of enabling us to expel unneeded fluids without our peers having to look upon our bare bottoms. No doubt, urinals and pee-troughs weren’t invented until some form of the fly was, which afforded a man quick and (relatively) discrete access to his “member,” as they used to call it in porn magazines of my childhood (and perhaps still do – I wouldn’t know).

Still, boys don’t go right from using diapers to employing the zipper fly on their miniature trousers. Zippers and snaps are nothing but a pain to a 4 year old child, there to mimic their father’s clothing and make them look like cute little adults, which they are not. Despite the fact that adult men are famous for sticking their penises through things, it’s not something that comes naturally to a young boy.  It takes practice to get through the two layers of clothing one is typically clad in. When it comes time to pee, young boys prefer taking the easier route of dropping their drawers right down to their ankles in the men’s room of Fenway Park, or else not bothering with niceties and letting it all out in their dungarees.

Eventually, boys become able to manage their snap and zipper combinations and see the value of releasing their pee without revealing themselves to the world around them. At least most boys do. Recently, I made use of a public restroom and came upon an adult gentleman with his trousers down and his naked cheeks getting some air right there at a urinal. So startling and discomfiting was the image that I actually did one of those sitcom double-takes just as the bottomless man was glancing over his shoulder to see who had come into his personal bathroom.

Perhaps this man had some penile affliction that made it painful to use the zipper function on his pantaloons, but if that were the case, he might have opted for a stall, of which three were available. Having said that, I know of no law that prevents a man from exposing his bottom while peeing, except, perhaps, the laws of good judgment and tact that we all are meant acquire as we age.

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Monday, 18 December 2017

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