Tonight’s halftime show at my house promises to be super. It starts with a flyover using indoor drones that will rain down GI-Joes in red, white, and blue parachutes. But these aren’t any old GI-Joes. They are edible GIs, a corn chip body filled with guacamole. Snack time!
Suddenly, sparks will shoot from the speakers in the corner of the room as the dance party gets going, with shirtless roman soldiers pulling my wife and daughter into the living room in a chariot. The two sing “Single Ladies” (lip-syncing, of course, but who doesn’t during halftime shows?)
At this point, my son and I will rip off our shirts to reveal brand new tattoos covering our arms and torsos, as we launch into a (lip-synced) Red Hot Chili Peppers medley. This is when the cats get into the act, launching a wave of fireworks over our heads.
With the living room filled with smoke, we’ll have to evacuate briefly before the second half starts, but this will just give my wife and son a chance to change their offensive game plan, which they’ll need to do if they are going to overcome the huge deficit they face.
Let me know if you’re interested in buying a 10-second commercial slot, which I’m selling for $1 million each.