Jousting For Dollars

People ask me all the time if I jousted when I was a kid, as if the answer could be anything but yes. Everyone jousted back then, unless you were a total loser. Sure, some kids got into jousting because of peer pressure, but the fact is that I took up the lance freely.

The thing I liked most about jousting wasn’t the rush of adrenaline as my steed careened toward my foe, or the satisfaction of seeing my opponent carted off the field on a stretcher while his co-jousters took a knee in prayer, or the months out of school I enjoyed while rehabbing several fractured discs. I liked jousting for the cheerleading gals, those dreamy teenage lasses who stood on the sidelines in their saddle shoes, skirts, and sweaters and roused the crowd into a frenzy. (Well, I always was a lady’s man.)

So here we are, all these years later, and no one can understand why my own kids don’t joust. Look, times are changing. Back when I was jousting we didn’t know about CTE. Now with all the science that’s been published, I would regard it as child abuse to let kids joust.

Go ahead, send out nasty tweets about me. You think I can’t take it? If I can survive several hundred falls from horses I can certainly live with your 140 infantile characters.

And while you’re staring into your phone and typing out snarky tweets, I’ll be working in the background on a new flag jousting league. (You can thank me via Twitter.)

Longboard Me, Marge


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Wednesday, 23 May 2018

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