PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Kitty Guide

One day, I am certain to become entirely blind, if I live long enough. My eyes are already starting to fail me. Even if medical advances keep me alive well into my hundreds, as is very likely, that doesn’t mean I’ll be provided with new eyes. Who would foot the bill for that, the American taxpayer? No chance, not with all the money that’s going to be spent on armed guards at our kids schools, not to mention hip waders for coastal community inhabitants.   Best to start saving now for the sort of trained guide animal I’d like to have when my eyes have gone kaput.

A doddering ol’ fool like the future me doesn’t need a German Shepherd or miniature horse as a guide. Anyway, if I had a horse, it would be a Clydesdale, which I’d count on to get me to the nearest keg and back in one piece. Turtles would be about my speed, but they are bound to outlive me by the time I need them, so my kids (also in their hundreds by then) would be saddled with trying to find good homes for the amphibians. (Or are they reptiles?)

After considering several options, I’m thinking a cat would be the most sensible alternative. Why a cat? Because I make pizza once a week, and I suspect that not only will I be pretty much blind by my 150s, but my hands will be even weaker than they already are, which means I'll require a guide animal that can also knead pizza dough. Cats are perfect for this task, as they spend many hours kneading things you can’t even eat. Horses? Nice animals but, sorry, they're hopeless at kneading.

Entitlement Program
Killing Time
 

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Monday, 23 July 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Russia: "nothing to

do with meddling." Why isn't

Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel

Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL

I’ve done nothing wrong

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book

Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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