My Musings

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Kitty Guide

One day, I am certain to become entirely blind, if I live long enough. My eyes are already starting to fail me. Even if medical advances keep me alive well into my hundreds, as is very likely, that doesn’t mean I’ll be provided with new eyes. Who would foot the bill for that, the American taxpayer? No chance, not with all the money that’s going to be spent on armed guards at our kids schools, not to mention hip waders for coastal community inhabitants.   Best to start saving now for the sort of trained guide animal I’d like to have when my eyes have gone kaput.

A doddering ol’ fool like the future me doesn’t need a German Shepherd or miniature horse as a guide. Anyway, if I had a horse, it would be a Clydesdale, which I’d count on to get me to the nearest keg and back in one piece. Turtles would be about my speed, but they are bound to outlive me by the time I need them, so my kids (also in their hundreds by then) would be saddled with trying to find good homes for the amphibians. (Or are they reptiles?)

After considering several options, I’m thinking a cat would be the most sensible alternative. Why a cat? Because I make pizza once a week, and I suspect that not only will I be pretty much blind by my 150s, but my hands will be even weaker than they already are, which means I'll require a guide animal that can also knead pizza dough. Cats are perfect for this task, as they spend many hours kneading things you can’t even eat. Horses? Nice animals but, sorry, they're hopeless at kneading.

Entitlement Program
Killing Time


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Sunday, 17 December 2017

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