PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

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Last Minute Gift Idea: Drinking Gloves

I’m not much of an accessorizer. The most I ask of my belts are that they hold up my trousers and not look like lengths of frayed manila rope that I found in a dumpster. I own a nice watch that was a gift, but otherwise the only jewelry adorning my body is an unusual wedding ring that is made of 3 hoops twisted and fused into one, the constituent bands representing me, my wife, and my unseen “inner self.” I own a bike and have lots of accessories for it, but these are entirely practical in nature, such as the headlight designed to blind oncoming bikers, and the rack that’s used to haul all manner of goods and children around town.

The one accessory I do have plenty of, however, are gloves. I have biking gloves, which some people think are a frivolous waste of money but I assure you are not: winter biking gloves keep the fingers nice and toasty, and summer, fingerless biking gloves make my ride go about 15% faster (that’s an estimate). I have two pairs of fingerless typing gloves because my employer is going green by keeping my office around 50 degrees. Also, I like to look like I hang out near the railroad tracks on the outskirts of town in my spare time, making fires in old metal garbage cans, a wool watch cap yanked down to my ears. I have golf gloves (which are all but unnecessary but help when you want to look like a white, middle-class dude), ski gloves, hot oven mitts, leather work gloves, gardening gloves, “examination” gloves (not for what you think), and neoprene gloves that I use when working on my bike.

On the other hand, I do not own a single pair of drinking gloves (!!). Consequently, I occasionally drop a beer, creating an awful mess of foamy liquid and broken glass, which causes my kids to haul out the breathalyzer. If any of the thousands (millions?) of you out there who follow this blog haven’t bought me a Christmas gift yet, please consider drinking gloves. Not only will they improve my grip on the beverage I’m drinking, but they’ll also reduce the transfer of heat and cold from hands to beverage and vice versa. Drinking gloves: practical, inexpensive, and, when monogrammed, quite personal.

Custard Pie
Free Country
 

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