PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Life of Pie

I didn’t grow up a pie lover. Offered the choice between pie for dessert and no dessert at all, I’d usually opt for the latter. Who are these strange people who long for pie, I’d wonder. Have they been deposited here by aliens who actually like fruit in their desserts? Have they never experienced a gooey brownie?

The pies of my youth were especially unappealing. No one offered me blueberry pie, or cherry pie, both of which looked awesome in Family Circle pictures but apparently couldn’t be had in upstate New York. Instead, we got Quebecois meat pie, which might have been good but was for dinner, not dessert, or, cruelest of all, mincemeat pie, a concoction of all the things kids feel, at best, tepid about. Raisins? Figs? Ginger? Suet?  For dessert?! Sorry, I have homework to do.

My grandmother also made something called “tarte au sucre,” or sugar pie, which is, basically, a strong-tasting brown sugar bomb in a shell. In Canada, it was either that or a dry biscuit that was probably OK with coffee, but wasn’t particularly good otherwise. I’d eat sugar pie, though, because it didn’t contain any fruit.

Lately, I’ve emerged from those dark, pieless days thanks to my son, who has demonstrated, via near-daily consumption, the wonders of warm pie with ice cream. Apple pie, strawberry-rhubarb pie, or blueberry pie, heated in the microwave until oozing and steamy, with a big scoop of vanilla ice cream on top, is now, in my opinion, a tier-one dessert. This means it ranks up there with chocolate chunk cookies, Texas cake, and my mother’s best (though not original) concoction: caramel brownies.

No Fly Zone
A Hell of a Turkey
 

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Monday, 23 July 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Russia: "nothing to

do with meddling." Why isn't

Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel

Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL

I’ve done nothing wrong

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book

Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

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Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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