PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Limping To The Finale

Last Sunday provided yet more evidence that Julian Fellowes wrote the final season of Downton Abbey during visits to Colorado weed dispensaries. I’m well aware that jerks have been populating literature since cavemen first scrawled a picture of someone getting sucker-clubbed, but how could he possibly have given the shrew Lady Mary a happy ending? And were we supposed to cheer when she tied the knot with Henry Talbot? I was waiting for someone’s ulcer to burst all over the bridal party, but alas, no such luck.

If it was me doing the writing, I’d have thinned out the cast as a means of tying up a few loose ends and clearing some “cap space” (football speak) for the final episode. Instead, we have Mr. Barrow slitting his wrists in an attempt to kill himself but only succeeding in falling into a deep slumber (note to the producers: I don’t think that’s the way exsanguination actually works), such that when he’s found unconscious in a bathtub full of bloody water, everyone’s like, “Oh, let’s just tuck him into bed.” Missed opportunity to put him out of his misery and not have to worry about him in the final episode.

Then, there’s Mr. Carson, who’s become the foremost ass in service after scoring the eminently human and reasonable Mrs. Hughes as his mate. “You’re a curmudgeon, but you’re my curmudgeon,” Mrs. Hughes tells him, with a kiss on the cheek. Ech. How about, “You’re a curmudgeon, and I can’t believe I married your sorry ass!” (I’ll get some real writers to embellish with 1920s lingo). In a just world, Mrs. Hughes pulls out a gun: bang, bang. Carson’s dead and she’s in jail.

The only good bit in the whole episode was finding that Mr. Sprat was the secret female advice columnist of Edith’s newspaper. This means we won’t have to watch him and Ms. Denka go at it any longer.

And where, pray tell, is Lady Sybil?!

Black Beans And Riceboys
Madness I Tell You!
 

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Wednesday, 26 September 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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