Recent efforts to protest Shell Oil’s arctic drilling by paddle-wielding “kayaktavists” in Seattle tells me that not enough people are making use of activist-esque monikers. For example, with the way my dental hygienist touts the advantages of brushing and flossing, she could easily be called a Plaquetivist. Not to mentoin those Snacktivist parents out there who can’t let half an hour of play time to happen without a 15 minute snack break. But there's so much more:
- Smacktivists: public health officials who decry the lack of heroin addiction treatment.
- Flapjacktivists: kids who pound the table on Saturday mornings until they are fed pancakes.
- Knick-Knacktivists: people who overpay for bric-a-brac.
- Bric-a-bractivists: people who sell their knickknacks in yard sales to support hoarder research.
- Clam Shacktivists: people who think you can’t get a proper clam if it isn’t sold in a broken down hut.
- Yaktivists: People who claim that we can fuel our future on the liquefied dung of wild Tibetan yaks.
- Unpacktivitists: You’ve gone on long trips with them, and when you return home they are too exhausted to unpack.
- Heart Attacktivists: Start you on a statin drug as a teen so that you die of liver cancer at 65 instead of a myocardial infarction.
- Air Sactivists: They are constantly in your face about all the cigarette smoking you did 25 years ago.
- Roof Racktivists: Whether they are on two-week vacation or off to the hardware store, they don’t leave their roof rack at home.
- Ice Packtivists: Decry the general lack of ice packs on hand at toddler soccer games.
- Weed Whacktivists: Observe loudly that womens never weed whack, only mens. (Tend to be under 3 years of age).
- Union Jacktivists: Fly the Union Jack outside their redneck homes because they think it’s actually a confederate flag.
- Jumping Jacktivists: You can see them on TV whining that we Americas spend too much time on our asses watching TV.
- Panic Attacktivists: First rate hyperventilators who use the technique to get us to stay in relationships with them.
- Freddie Mactivists: People who wonder, “Why is the US Government involved in mortgages?” and so forth…
Can't tell you my own activist moniker until I register it with the US Patent Office.