PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

New Reality Show: Deflating Dads

Reality shows exist because we humans love to see our fellow man stagger through life in cringe-inducing, 10-minute bursts of detail, followed by 5 minutes of advertisements. I’ve come up with a concept for my own excruciating reality show: middle aged dads deflating kid flotation devices at the end of family vacations. Like any reality show worth its salt, the program will be highly suggestive/borderline pornographic, as unattractive 40-something guys like me bear-hug floaty animal toys in attempts to deflate them and fit them into the roof luggage carrier after a week at the beach.

Here, daddy appears to be making an awkward pass at a blow-up Loch Ness Monster; there, a sweaty Uncle Jim can be spotted mounting a giant inflatable duck, which quacks in dismay.

A panel of famous celebrities will act as judges, voting each week on which man and his inflatable toy make the most insufferable couple. Winners will receive two nights together in a backwater motel with a grimy pool, where they can have their way with each other behind drawn curtains.

Big Shoes
The Enchanting Wizard of Rhythm
 

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Wednesday, 23 May 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

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Trade Wars are good and

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Gun-adept coaches

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Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

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