PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

New Social Media Website: AssFace

The little I know about Facebook tells me it’s really not for people who wish to make use of social media without others knowing what they look like.  As I understand it, they called it Facebook in the first place because you are required by company policy to show your face.  However, some people just don’t feel comfortable revealing their faces online to the rest of the world. Who knows what sicko out there might take a screen shot of it and manipulate it in Photoshop to make it look like you have leprosy, then do something that causes the photo to "go viral" such that your mother passes out.  Anyway, I believe someone (me! Or I!) should create a social media site for these faceless people.

My first thought was to call it “AssBook,” and instead of posting photos of their faces, users would show their asses. This got me a lot of interesting and really adamant responses from friends and relatives. I’m not convinced they really understood what I was imagining or could visualize the grandeur of the site the way I did. I was envisioning millions (billions?) of people all over the world revealing their asses instead of their faces. As a result, I agreed to tweak the name of the site to mollify these complainers, and settled on AssFace. Because of this new name, I’m going to require users of my site to show a picture not just of their ass, but of their ass’s face.

Of course, I’ve been informed that it’s harder to obtain an ass than you might think. It’s not like you can go down to the hardware store and buy yourself one.jackass 2

Not My Ass

 

The wild ass above is not mine, but I’d be pleased if it were. I obtained the photo from the website FactZoo.com. Sure, it’s one of the odder looking wild assess I’ve ever seen, and precious little in the way of this individual’s history and behavior is offered on the site, but still, I would surmise that it's a young and, quite possibly, strong ass. I would be honored to show off this ass on my AssFace page.

Sorry. Getting word over the headphones that the animal pictured above is not, in fact, an ass (wild or otherwise). Repeat, the above is not a wild ass. Rather, it is a “jackass,” or a male mule. Well that makes a little more sense! So now I have to decide if I’m going to change the name of the site to “JackassFace” or leave well enough alone.

However, I believe I have solved the problem of what to do about getting asses to our citizens who are so clearly in need of them. I’m going to start a program called “Adopt a Wild Ass.” This will create a “virtual” way to obtain an ass from, say, Africa, or parts of Asia. Now I just have to find a way to get native peoples digital cameras and the means to send us photos of our adoptees. E-mail attachment is what I’m thinking. (Note to self: work on getting native peoples the infrastructure needed to power their homes so they can buy computers and send e-mail to me). 

 

Idea for Restaurant: "Speedy Pat's"
Full Moon
 

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Wednesday, 19 September 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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