PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Not Tonight Honey, I Have A Hairache

 

When it comes to the powerful forces of nature, I favor the sea’s fury, for I can be reasonably assured of not encountering it if I stay far enough away. Volcanos also score high on my list of natural phenomena not to be feared, as they tend not to sprout up out of nowhere (though, if they exist nearby, better watch out).

Then there’s wind, that killer! Nearly did me in, I’ll tell you. I’ve enjoyed many a pleasant breeze in my more than 18,000 days of life, but winds that gust mightily set me on edge. Just look at my right leg and you’ll know why: that scar, an eight-inch long frown with Frankensteinesque X’s across it, tells the story of a gruesome injury I suffered from by a wind-driven chunk of broken window.

And then, last Thursday, my daughter had soccer practice in the most damnably high winds one can imagine. Like, absurdly high winds. I want to say 115 mph, but it was probably more like 140. Held at Millennium Park, a former landfill and now a treeless high plain, the soccer practice might as well have been held in a hurricane. Soccer balls were driven across the pitch, making drills for five year olds an exercise in futility. Within fifteen minutes, my ears were ringing from the din of air whipping across them. Before the hour was fully up, my hair actually hurt.

Next time there’s wind, we'll skip practice and go fly a kite.

The Gospel According To Some Unidentified Guy
Ad It Up
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Guest
Sunday, 23 September 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!