PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Pat's Hard Beet Juice

 

I can think of few markets less saturated than that of “hard” beverages. You’ve got your hard cider. You’ve got your hard lemonade. You’ve got your hard iced tea.

That’s the best this industry can do?

What about hard root beer? What about hard ginger ale?

And that’s just the start. I’d like to see someone stop me from creating hard pomegranate! Hard cranberry! Hard fricken banana!

I begin to exude the rare aura of a big-time earnings machine, and just as I reach the pinnacle of my fame, a scandal breaks out from a child having inadvertently poured Pat's Hard Milk into his bowl of Count Chocula cereal. I fight frivolous lawsuits. State legislatures ram through laws requiring hard milk bottles to carry warning labels that read “Caution: This milk is quite hard!” with an icon of a child pouring milk into a bowl, circled with a slash across it. Such needless regulation crushes my hopes for worldwide beverage dominance.

(But by then, I’ll have earned my retirement nest egg. Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!)

As I Show In My Book
Shoot The Puck
 

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Wednesday, 23 May 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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