PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

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Pat's Hard Beet Juice

 

I can think of few markets less saturated than that of “hard” beverages. You’ve got your hard cider. You’ve got your hard lemonade. You’ve got your hard iced tea.

That’s the best this industry can do?

What about hard root beer? What about hard ginger ale?

And that’s just the start. I’d like to see someone stop me from creating hard pomegranate! Hard cranberry! Hard fricken banana!

I begin to exude the rare aura of a big-time earnings machine, and just as I reach the pinnacle of my fame, a scandal breaks out from a child having inadvertently poured Pat's Hard Milk into his bowl of Count Chocula cereal. I fight frivolous lawsuits. State legislatures ram through laws requiring hard milk bottles to carry warning labels that read “Caution: This milk is quite hard!” with an icon of a child pouring milk into a bowl, circled with a slash across it. Such needless regulation crushes my hopes for worldwide beverage dominance.

(But by then, I’ll have earned my retirement nest egg. Mua-ha-ha-ha-ha!)

As I Show In My Book
Shoot The Puck
 

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Monday, 18 December 2017

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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