Patty The Claw

The trial of reputed mob boss James "Whitey" Bulger gives me the idea of changing my persona by giving myself a genuine sounding mob name. I’ve no stomach to become an actual mobster who extorts money and kills people; I just want a nickname that sounds mobsteresque.

Within seconds, I discover several websites that will generate mobster names for me. Some offerings:

  • Little P
  • Chicago Patty
  • Patty Cola
  • Slim Patty Rat
  • Patty Nap
  • Patty the Knife
  • Big PM
  • Patty the Breeze
  • Patty the fixer
  • Bald Patty
  • Chicken Fried Alfredo (Huh?)
  • Antonio Siciliano (!!)

Clearly, these websites don’t know me. True, I had the moniker “rat” for a bit my freshman year of college, and have been known to fix this or that troublesome leaky pipe in my house, but I’m neither bald nor breezy, and I drink cola only when I find myself at kid birthday parties with no beer. What about my preference for lobster claws over tails?  In any event, I’m pretty sure I can identify names that better fit my persona. Consider:

  • Patty The Gut
  • Guiness Pat
  • Patty Artichokes
  • Patty Two-Wheels
  • Patty Chew
  • Patty Guzzle
  • Chubby Hummus McVay
  • Mister Nopublish
  • Patty the Sneeze
  • Big Daddy Four-Putts
  • Patty the Limp
  • Rioja Pat
  • Patty The Tankard

I’ll consider these and other possibilities today over an artichoke pizza and a couple glasses of Rioja, after shuffling through a round of bad golf and a tankard of Guinness at the 19th hole.




The Enchanting Wizard of Rhythm
Late Game


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Thursday, 20 September 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum



Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.


Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.


Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?


The Special Counsel
I’ve done nothing wrong



The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit


Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers


“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.



We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country



Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!


Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting


Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information


Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax



Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.



Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year



United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death



False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.


Army Navy Game





He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.




Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!


The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.


Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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