My Musings

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My Goal: More Precise Programming


As part of my plan to deliver ultra-pure television programming to American audiences, completely cleansed of unnecessary and extraneous information, I’ve taken steps to establish a production company that will create the very first of several television “micro-series.” Each micro-series I develop will appear on your television set in five-minute bursts, so don't arrive late.

Here’s the structure: first there’s a 30-second intro that inextricably draws you in (via brief flashes of nudity, say) and introduces the series’ main conflict or situation; then we’ll “pay the bills” by bombarding you with micro-ads that last 3 seconds each (10 micro-ads per 30-second bombardment, each of which is a micro-subliminal-ad utilizing the most forward-thinking, data-driven marketing schemes, or simply nudity); then we’ll have a 3 minute episode in which plots and subplots, character development, exposition, etc., will be delivered with remarkable efficiency; then come 10 more sexually-suggestive micro-ads; and finally the micro-episode cliff-hanging finish. Each series is 5 episodes long, such that the whole microseries is delivered over the course of a week.

Do you love it? Stop with the “five minute bursts just screw up the timing of television.” Don’t you think this has occurred to me? This is why I’m developing the first 5 micro-series at once! I can fill a half-hour space that way (with the remaining five minutes taken up with 100 additional 3-second micro-adlets, subliminally selling you insurance and the latest mobile device that enables you to watch television on your false pinky nail).

Kick-starter campaign to begin in five, four, three…

More Crust, Please


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Friday, 23 March 2018

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