PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

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Schemeball

 

It seems to me that I should spend some of my ample free time creating a new professional sport. My sport will not have 9 innings, 4 quarters, or 3 periods, but rather 10 “segments”. We might call this new sport “Snacky” or “Snack-ball” or something like this such that each segment can be easily sponsored by a snack cracker. Established sports are currently failing to capitalize on such synergies (when does baseball ever advertise for bases, or football advertise for feet?). I’m considering other sports options: Insurance Ball; Credit Card with Fraud Protection Derby; Previously-Owned Car Hoop.

Here’s how the game works: the team on offense will huddle together while we, the spectators, use our smart phones to vote on which producer of insipid beer has bombarded us with the most appealing advertisement in the last five minutes. While an accounting agency tabulates the results, we’ll be treated to informative environmental PSAs from friendly energy conglomerates. The offense will break from the huddle. End of segment one.

The rest of the sport follows this pattern.

The Best $20 Tim Has Ever Spent
Old Records
 

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Monday, 18 December 2017

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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