PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Schemeball

 

It seems to me that I should spend some of my ample free time creating a new professional sport. My sport will not have 9 innings, 4 quarters, or 3 periods, but rather 10 “segments”. We might call this new sport “Snacky” or “Snack-ball” or something like this such that each segment can be easily sponsored by a snack cracker. Established sports are currently failing to capitalize on such synergies (when does baseball ever advertise for bases, or football advertise for feet?). I’m considering other sports options: Insurance Ball; Credit Card with Fraud Protection Derby; Previously-Owned Car Hoop.

Here’s how the game works: the team on offense will huddle together while we, the spectators, use our smart phones to vote on which producer of insipid beer has bombarded us with the most appealing advertisement in the last five minutes. While an accounting agency tabulates the results, we’ll be treated to informative environmental PSAs from friendly energy conglomerates. The offense will break from the huddle. End of segment one.

The rest of the sport follows this pattern.

The Best $20 Tim Has Ever Spent
Old Records
 

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Tuesday, 17 July 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Russia: "nothing to

do with meddling." Why isn't

Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel

Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL

I’ve done nothing wrong

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book

Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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