Smackdown Of The Legumes
In the future, there will be a World Cup of legumes, and I’m putting my money on the chickpea to win it all.
This, despite the fact that I was raised on the navy bean. We of French Canadian stock have been consuming navy beans, baked overnight in a crock pot with hunks of salt pork, for, what, centuries? I might root for navy beans to win, those little white buggers, but the fact is they are no match for the sturdy garbanzo.
What of pintos, those southwestern gun-slinging legumes, from which mountains of Mexican refried beans are formed? How about soybeans, which are so versatile that I predict we will one day see a soybean alternative to smoked salmon? What about the venerable white bean, aka cannellini, which are so packed with flavor that my daughter consumed them with gusto (along with olive oil and vinegar) when she was barely out of diapers?
They lose, I’m afraid, perhaps earning a modicum of respect by getting out of their round-robin groups, besting those mung beans and black-eyed peas and weak little red lentils, but ultimately falling to heavyweights like garbanzos.
The finals will pit the chickpea versus the black bean, a legume with as many fans in the stadium as a burlap sack contains grains of rice, but they’ll get roasted and toasted and falafeled to death by those wily chickpeas, which are constantly reinventing themselves lest they become stale and uninteresting.
Here is where you point out that the peanut is actually a legume, not a nut, and as such would easily kick chickpeas’ butts.
Let’s get it on!