PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

The Invisible Clam

 

In the epic battle of man vs. steamer clam, the clear advantage goes to the clam. With its two valve architecture and ability to burrow deep into smelly mud, clam easily defeats man and his weak armament of hands with opposable digit, clam rake (wrong tool) and the long history of human ingenuity.

Man’s representative arrives via modular (two-piece) kayak. He paddles his way into “Indian Cove” (or whatever it’s called), arriving at dead low tide, and immediately finds a lush oasis of steamer spouts. Ha! This is but child’s play!  Seeing that he is in just a few inches of water, the Clam Hunter pops out of his boat, only to find himself knee-high in warm – almost hot – mud.

Undaunted, for he knows how great the prize is at the end of this muddy road, he proceeds to cake himself in a rich stew of black goo in a vain attempt to provide for his family from what the mud flat giveth.  

But surely, he must have gotten a few steamers, you think to yourself. Like five. Or two? Tell me he got at least one.

Embarrassing, I know. But let me tell you something: a quahog doesn’t stand a chance against me and the moral force of my clam rake. (Will seek them out tomorrow.) 

Hot And Clammy
The Best Song In The World
 

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Wednesday, 23 May 2018

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Must go nuclear option.

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Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

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