PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

The Multitasking Motorista

If I were a commuting motorist, I’d have my handheld device at the ready so that I could check my messages as soon as I came to a red light. My car would be my office: I’d set it up so that I could take calls, send email, browse the company website, and so forth, while in traffic. I’d be able to Slack you en-route to work. Wouldn’t that be awesome? Then, I’d start Yammering with my blogger friends, unbeknownst to you, during the same commute, such that I’m having several conversations at once.

Not that I have blogger friends.

Is that you calling me out for veering into the bike lane? Excuse me, Mr. Bike Guy. But how am I supposed to know it’s a bike lane when I’m trying to find out what the best restaurant was in each state in the year you were born? Plus, how am I supposed to Yammer and Slack and browse for mother’s day gifts while conveying a 4,000-pound personal vehicle across the city AND keep track of you? Because there is never enough time for mom, so let’s use some of our carefree drive time to shop for gifts for her.

Do I use my blinker when I want to turn right? Let me put it this way: no. Blinkers are so 20th century. I look old and stodgy enough; using a blinker will just make me look like a dinosaur. Blinkers are for a-holes, as Frank Zappa might say. Can we really be in the 21st century and not be able to convey our driving intentions telepathically?

And what about those jetpacks?

I remember emailing my friend Richard back in the early 1990s using Compuserve, so clearly it’s a primitive communication method. So, for crying out loud, how is it that a guy like me has to explicitly convey that he’s going to cut off a cyclist when by now technology should have solved this problem?

Going to work on my driving habits this week by watching a You Tube video about good driving practices while sitting in car traffic.

The Royal Oui
Captain Cornhole
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Guest
Saturday, 21 July 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Russia: "nothing to

do with meddling." Why isn't

Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel

Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL

I’ve done nothing wrong

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book

Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!