PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

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"The Non-Confession"

 

 

This is what I’m calling the first ever “art-gag” piece, which is a sort of practical joke with written plans that can (and will!) be bought and sold like a commodity long after I’m dead. I’m thinking that spending some of my free time working on this performance piece will be most effective way of getting Gag Art into the public eye. Here’s the plan:

I will enter a church confessional during normal confessional hours and will knock on the little screen to wake up the priest from his midday slumber. “Bless me Father for I have sinned,” I'll say. I’ll wait a bit, breathing deeply, which will give the Padre a chance to say something like, “Go ahead my child.”

Then, with my voice cracking, I’ll blurt out something like, “Father, I…I…I k-k-killed—no!”  

The art happens when my associate, pretending to be the next confessor in line, uses his smartphone to get video of the priest emerging from his confessional and chasing me, then using his own smart phone to call the cops. My associate will then string together all the scenes of priests in various cities across the US and Europe running out of their churches to see who had just (nearly) confessed to a murder (which never actually happened!).

Obviously, this piece will require a substantial budget, and I’m hoping to find one or two arts organizations with deep pockets to foot the bill for the travel costs to cities across the US and Europe. Also, I’ll need a per-diem for lodging, meals and incidentals (beer), plus daycare costs for my kids while I’m on this Gag-Art jaunt.

Finally, I’ll need to have a lawyer on retainer for the inevitable incarceration or two I’ll face when a particularly spritely man-of-the-cloth catches me before I’m able to run off.

I Quintuple That!
Bad Kitty! (Litter)
 

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Monday, 18 December 2017

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