PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Up Your Sleeve!

My mother never said, “For God’s sake, sneeze into the crook of your elbow!” Just imagine if she had: the pandemic of germ-infested garment sleeves we’re now experiencing might have started decades earlier.

Sneezing into your sleeve instead of your hand sounds like reasonable social behavior until you realize that the sneeze-laden sleeves are being used in hugs all the time, including hugs that you’re involved in. It turns out other people are constantly transferring sleeve germs to the back of your sweater! And then you just toss the germy, sleevy garments onto your bed, where there's a chance (albeit slim) that it will infect millions of innocent civilians.

In my day, there was no sneaking around to pass germs, using sleight of sleeve to distribute viruses. We just handed colds to each other via handshakes and random sexual encounters.

I’m joking of course! We rarely shook hands. (Nervous laughter from my lawyers and family.)

Comic Relief
Frothy Weaponry
 

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Saturday, 26 May 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

Fake News Media

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Must go nuclear option.

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