Bells And Whistles


The bicycle bell, long ago abandoned by "serious" cyclists in favor of shouting “on your left,” has enjoyed a resurgence of late, thanks to good ol' personal electronic devices. It's not that people use mobile phone apps to make the tell-tale “bling-bling” noise you hear from little kids on bikes (but hey, what a great idea!). It's that mobile phones have made having a bicycle bell absolutely essential.

Never in all of human history has distracted walking been quite as prevalent as it is now. But who can blame us humans? There are so many interesting things to see on your phone, things that are much more interesting than the world around you, or that bike coming at you. There is spam email. There are videos on the Weather Channel app about the amazing animal world, preceded by really interesting ads for the Lincoln MKZ. And hasn’t anyone texted you this morning?

My bell (an actual physical bell, but as I said I’m looking to create an app that’s even better) provides ample warning to the distracted ambler, whose imagination is held captive by all those fancy images and games on the phone, as well as the pictures he took recently of his friend using her phone to take a picture of him taking a picture of her.

Of course, bells wouldn’t be necessary to thwart the scourge of inattentive sauntering if someone (me) would just get off their duffs and fashion simple headgear to allow a person to have the all-important cellular device positioned approximately one-foot from the eyes at all times, hands-free. The idea is to allow peple to mosey along with the phone held in a harness at eye level, such that one can keep one’s eyes on the device at all times (they’re wily little buggers, these phones, leaving you texts and what-not that you sometimes don’t notice for minutes!). True, the path ahead is still mostly obstructed for these walkers, but at least the device would be set against a backdrop in which a bike might come into view, instead of the current backdrop of one's shoes.

Looking for a patent lawyer to take my case on pro-bono.

The Dumpling Duchess
It Takes All Types


No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Wednesday, 02 December 2020

By accepting you will be accessing a service provided by a third-party external to

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum



It's unlimited
Presidential harrassment
Dems are going nuts!


Isn't it nice when
Countries help rebuild neighbors?
Thanks to Saudi A!


The Harvey Weinstein Story
Look at their license?


Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.


Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.


Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?


The Special Counsel
I’ve done nothing wrong



The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit


Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers


“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.



We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country



Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!


Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting


Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information


Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax



Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.



Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year



United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death



False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.


Army Navy Game





He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.




Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!


The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.


Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!