Regarding My Distorted Records

If you were to take a look at my records and the way they've been treated -- by all parties -- over the years, you'd see how badly they have been distorted.  Going all the way back to the 1990s, the housecat I lived with, Surely, thought the collection of LPs that my roommate Chowder and I owned made an excellent scratching pad. Cats are known to think outside the box when it comes to things like toys, places to deposit their hair balls, ways to maintain the claws, and so forth, and Surely was no different. If she were alive today and could voice her thoughts, here’s what she’d say: ______.

So I will speak for Surely. Why did I use the record collection to sharpen up my claws? Because the sheer breadth of records those two owned meant there were many years of scratching life in them. What do you mean ‘double entendre’? I’m sorry, when you make reference to ‘the scope of musical genres that collection of music spanned,’ you’re going way over my head. I'm just a cat, see.  Pet me.  Oooh, love me.  Hiss!  (Scratch) I hate you!"

Anyway, this was the start of a pattern in which my records would get regularly distorted over the years. I eventually moved away from Surely, which helped, but, nevertheless, the decline continued: even when my records weren't being played, they were collecting dust, and when they were allowed out of their sleeves for a bit, they ended up doing time on a poorly-maintained turntable in a dusty room.

Most recently, our washing machine’s penchant for flooding the basement (the float system is temperamental and doesn't always shut off the water once the tub has filled, and we have been known to throw clothes into the machine and then leave for several hours) caused the most serious trouble. The records had been stacked in an adjacent basement room on the carpeted floor, and the cardboard covers drank the water up lustily.

My vinyl discs themselves might be salvageable – it’s hard to say because I haven’t had the heart to inspect carefully – but the album covers, which I think of as being part of "my records," are in bad shape, despite my frantic days of drying out what I could.

It's probably time for me to return to the basement to inspect my records carefully and see which, if any, have survived. My guess is that my records have been distorted so often that, at this point, I might as well just throw them out.

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum



It's unlimited
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Dems are going nuts!


Isn't it nice when
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Thanks to Saudi A!


The Harvey Weinstein Story
Look at their license?


Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.


Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.


Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?


The Special Counsel
I’ve done nothing wrong



The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit


Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers


“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.



We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country



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Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!


Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting


Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information


Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax



Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.



Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year



United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death



False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.


Army Navy Game





He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.




Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!


The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.


Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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