It’s pretty safe to assume that every state in the US has an upstate. And I know that many people are fixated on what they believe is the “Deep State” residing within all our government agencies. So, from my perspective, it seems clear that each and every upstate is home to what I would describe as a “Deep Upstate.”

The Deep Upstate is a little different than a regular deep state in that the vast dark web of secretive underground human connections that run the government, control everyone’s lives, and are probably themselves puppets of foreign governments, are dispersed across a greater amount of well-tended lawns. These malevolent, underground networks that have hidden cameras all over upstate regions to spy on unsuspecting suburbanites have an easier time parking when they plant their surveillance devices. Because, of course, they are upstate.

Operatives within the Deep Upstate are known to have better networks of lawn-care specialists, as well as expert arrays of driveway sealers. These experts are then deployed across upstate regions with a high degree of acuity lawn-and-driveway-wise, making it a snap for them to infiltrate unsuspecting neighborhoods and do what deep-upstate types do, under the cover of lawn care and driveway maintenance.

Really sick.