PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Elated Maids, Inc.

 

Sometime in the next few months, I’m planning to launch a new cleaning service in the Boston area to compete with Sunshine Maids and Merry Maids. You think the maids we already have in this area are happy enough, but compared to my maids they’re a bunch of dour whiners. Look, you can’t even get an interview with my maid service unless you display lots of smiley pep in your cover letter. Plus, your resume must indicate that you have a consistent track record of cleaning homes with a mixture of joy and pleasure. If it’s not absolutely obvious to me that you’re thrilled to wear the Ecstatic Maids one-piece jumper, then you'll have to find a job with another service, such as Dejected Maids, Corp.

Here's what the customer can expect if the services of my firm are retained: first, you'll notice that my maids arrive singing cheerfully and invite you to join in! Now watch as they scrub your toilet wearing ear-to-ear grins. They love removing soap scum from your bathtub and baked-on macaroni-and-cheese spillover in your oven.  Dirty floors with all kinds of mashed-in food goo?  A delight to toil on!

Eventually, my maid service will crush all others.  Then it’s onto Euphoric Crime Scene Cleanup, LTD.

Don't Sit Here
"The Receipt Artist"
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Guest
Wednesday, 14 November 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

NBC FAKE NEWS
The Harvey Weinstein Story
Look at their license?

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!