PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Electioneering

Did you know that there is a national election happening on the first Tuesday after the first Monday in November 2020? Apparently, the president himself is up for reelection (who knew?), and I‘ve come into some inside information on his political strategy.

First, he plans to tout his cool-headedness in difficult times. His campaign manager is going to stress at every turn that he has an incredible knack for calming the waters when everything has gone completely to shit. Just when it seems like everything is dark and dreary and you want to curl up and die, this man tickles you with bits of accessible poetry not more than 280 characters in length. He loves to take to the airwaves with messages of hope and unity, instilling in you a sense of duty and pride in acting for the collective good. His voice is like a soothing balm on a sore joint. Makes you feel warm inside.

Or they could try to make a case for him being honest, with a homespun “just-the-facts” manner of communicating and a humility that renders him unable to take credit for almost anything. Everyman interviews on Main Street U.S.A. will call him “refreshing!” and “just what the doctor ordered.”

And none of this nonsense where politicians denigrate the office with cheap shots at opponents and use daily COVID-19 press conferences, ostensibly meant to inform the American public about plans for battling the pandemic, to pat themselves on the back and promote their own political aims.

Put it this way, those are the qualities I’m looking for in a candidate.

Mr. Pizza
That Ol' Normal
 

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Tuesday, 26 May 2020

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