Not so long ago, I declared publicly via soapbox rantings in the town square that I would no longer plan mid-winter vacations. Too unreliable, I announced to the gathering throngs, what with the vagaries of the weather.
I was soon pressed for details. All midwinter vacations? Does that count Christmas in New York? The skepticism was palpable (fueled by the fake news media). People began to get restless. Worried that I might be pelted by rotten tomatoes, I lifted my bullhorn and clarified, as the crowds around me swelled: specifically, I would no longer plan trips to warm, beachfront destinations between winter solstice and spring equinox. After some inelegant bursts of skeptical laughter and a couple of outright guffaws from the rather large audience (“hasn’t he been to, like, Turks and Caicos?”), I explained further: winter escapes involve planes, which are notorious for failing to liftoff during snow storms. I had once been foiled by just such a scenario, confounding an otherwise perfect scheme to repair to the Big Island of Hawaii in the middle of February. Plus, what if it’s cool and cloudy during your whole beachfront trip, which happened one winter vacation in allegedly sunny Florida? No, I’m sorry, never again!
The multitudes now sat peacefully and hung intently on my every word, as I explained how this year I had planned a vacation to a winter destination instead. Weather would be no match for our four-wheel drive vehicle. There were cheers. Bring on the snow! Bring on the cold!
That’s not snow
Or, bring on the rain and fog. Maybe you’ve never skied in rain and fog, but you’ve driven in it and understand: since you can’t see what’s right in front of you, you’re forced to travel super slowly. Travelling really slowly is not why people ski. And it’s also not so fun to ski when you’re wet.
I would insert here an apropos rant about climate change, but who wants to hear a rant about global warming by a person lamenting the loss of his white-person leisure activity? Better to lament the suffering of many impoverished people the world over whose low-lying shacks will be destroyed by the rising tides.
Looking to hear from an impoverished resident of a low-lying country who blogs about climate change from his/her shack.