It’s time for media outlets to do away with all the pundits, political journalists, and other experts on their payrolls and from here on out do interviews only with “likely voters.” These average Joes are so strident and self-assured about their uninformed positions that it’s completely refreshing.

That they don’t get mired in the complexities of issues makes them even more lovable. Political types are always trying to confuse and complicate, when all you need to know is who is going to raise taxes, who is rigging the system, and who isn’t afraid to use our country’s ample supply of nukes to wipe out whole nations.

Also, pundits continually fail to mention who Jesus would be voting for if he decided to come back to earth. The average voter always knows Jesus’s positions and votes accordingly.

Jessica from Miami, Ralph from Iowa, Peter from Idaho – where are you? Please get yourself to your local NPR affiliate ASAP, ask for a mic, and remind everyone that you vote.