The next beer I brew will be designed explicitly to explode all over the person opening it. It is, therefore, not a beer to offer friends. Friends get beer that can be poured into a glass with minimal spillage and is easy-drinking. Longtime enemies, who you’re feigning to make peace with, are given this new beer as an olive branch. Here’s how it works:
You leave your nemesis a 22 oz. bottle of this ale on his doorstep with a bow and a note saying “Happy Holidays.” He is shocked at first, wondering, “What’s this guy doing giving me a beer? I thought he hated me.” He comes to the highly suspect conclusion that you’re trying to establish détente, playing right into your bubbly plot, and further believes that you’ve given him some sort of high-quality brew. Ha!
Soon, there is a holiday gathering – dinner at the in-laws-to-be, say – and this adversary decides it’s the perfect gift to bring along: a unique bottle of ale brewed by that blogger-dude who’s read and largely ignored by several thousand computers in China. He presents the bottle to his girlfriend’s father to butter up the old bibber before asking for the hand of the lass in marriage.
The moment the old man uncaps the brew, there is a catastrophic explosion of yeasty foam, such that three-quarters of the beer to gets sprayed into the old bastard’s face and directly into his eyes, blinding him for the better part of a week.
Beer Name: Bitter Pat’s Ale Bomb