PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Gate Jumper

 

Several times now, I’ve been stymied by the iron-clad gates at T stations while trying to make use of the “kids under 12 ride free with paying adult” policy. The policy is easy enough to understand, but how is it meant to work? Subway stations no longer have turnstiles you can easily slip a child under, but instead gates that threaten to cleave a youngster in half as they close. With no T employees around to explain or open a secret door, the only option seems to be for parent (or guardian) and child to bundle together as one and plow through as soon as the gate opens, (which still causes alarms to go off, such that everyone stares as you and your child run down the stairs to catch the train).

As usual, all it takes is a little brain power to solve the problem. Within five minutes of quietly contemplating this puzzle, I came up with ten methods of having your child bypass the gates without paying:

  1. Pogo Stick
  2. Amazon drone
  3. Portable Trampoline
  4. Pole Vault
  5. Stilts
  6. Battering Ram
  7. Zipline
  8. Fosbury Flop
  9. Catapult
  10. The Limbo

Wait a minute – this just in: according to something I read on the internet (which means it’s got to be correct), we are supposed to use the “accessible fare gate” (notable by its wheelchair logo). I had wondered about that, but also wondered if that was a reduced fare-gate, such that I would get yelled at by people who think I’m trying to claim a disability. Now that I know of this alternative, I would add an 11th option to the 10 above: “Better T Signage.”

It May Look Like Sleep To You, But...
Homophonia
 

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Tuesday, 13 November 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

NBC FAKE NEWS
The Harvey Weinstein Story
Look at their license?

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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