Witnessing yet another Boston championship parade gives me an idea for a new tv drama. The main character is Jablinsky, a cop-turned-security-consultant with a weakness for the Italian sausages sold on Yawkey Way, which he washes down with Pepto-Bismol like it’s “a draft beah.” In season one, Jablinsky is called upon by a consortium of city mayors to find a notorious biker-dude, who surfaces in cities hosting championship sporting events to incite local drunk college students (ubiquitous and easy fodder for inciting) into mindless vandalism, no matter whether their teams win or lose. Jablinsky finds himself stymied by the rogue cyclist, who is wreaking havoc everywhere he goes. But after the Red Sox victory in the 2013 World Series, a security camera records the shirtless, environmentally-conscious villain leading a group of cyclists in overturning bicycles and trying to light them on fire with Bic lighters. (There’s not a lot that’s burnable on a bike, these green hooligans soon discover. Next time, they’ll remember to bring acetylene torches and refashion Back Bay residents’ $2,500 Pinarello frames into goofy art-bikes!)
This inciter of post-game mob activity is seen by some as hilarious prankster who might just be commenting on society (really? how?), but the people who believe that aren’t finding their bicycles flipped over on city streets by mobs of drunk (and “green”) college kids.
Before eating up time writing up the climax and resolution of the story, I need to have my people contact Edward Norton’s people to make sure he’s available to play the rogue cyclist.