Monkey Pat's House of Spit-Roast
When I’m not pondering new works of performance art to unleash upon the unsuspecting world, I’m resting my intellectual faculties by enjoying a beer. Doctors keep telling us that our bodies and minds need to power-down regularly, and beer provides the basic elements of powering-down. Sometimes, in the middle of drinking a beer, I think of how much better the beer would taste if it were named after me.
I also think often about opening new restaurants, where beers named after me can be served alongside some new type of beer-pairing cuisine. My latest idea is to open a rotisserie joint where I spit-roast just about anything. Have you ever seen clams spit-roasted? I didn’t think so. As a kind of bonus funny twist, I would employ trained monkeys to turn the spits and pull pints of beer. Yes, I'm aware that monkeys have a checkered history when it comes to pulling pints and turning spits. They've been known to serve beer in soup bowls with spoons instead of actual pint glasses, and take bites out of raw cornish hens when they get hungry. For this reason, I plan to have trained baboons working as pit-bosses to meet the highest standards of quality control.
So, then, if you know any monkeys or baboons that are looking for work, please send them my way.