My Musings

This text is currently hidden by a css change. Alow's me to go directly to the category description because it is editable in the front end,
Font size: +

My Tools

When I die, I’m going to leave a lot of tools behind, and I’m worried that you’re going to use them inappropriately and hurt yourself. Despite their colorful outer shells that draw you in for a closer look and beckon you to plug them in and give them a whirl, they aren’t toys. Several of them can easily cut off a limb, put out an eye, or burn you badly.

My guess is that this won’t dissuade my friends from engaging in a melee after my untimely demise. The tear-streaked faces of my wife and kids, still shocked that I’m no longer here on earth and pretty certain I’m not anywhere else either, watch in disbelief as you guys come waltzing into my basement with a twelve pack and start grabbing at my chop saw.

Then, during calling hours, a line forms leading up to the casket, where I can be found laid out with a weird smile on my face, thanks to the misguided work of a new, young undertaker. You utter a few polite remarks to my family and hope to move on, but find that the greeting line is backed up thanks to an octogenarian who has knelt to pray over my dead body and then can’t get back up onto his feet. It’s awkward to be standing there and not saying anything more than “He was a great guy. Really, great guy.” So eventually you blurt, “So, uh, how many battery packs does his impact driver have?”

My personal opinion is that the family should just put everything out on the sidewalk and see who takes what. Bar clamps, pipe clamps, drills, levels, hammers, wrenches, torches, anything that wasn’t put into my personal pyramid in case I need it for the afterlife is sitting out there for the taking.

Of course, no duct tape will be left for the taking, as that is going to be part of my afterlife “tool kit.” But don’t worry – they carry it at most hardware stores. 

Local Boy Makes Good
The Cloud


No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Tuesday, 28 November 2023



J'Biden Era Haikuage


People's Arms. That's right!

200 million shots

In 100 days


We are good people

But we still have far to go

Repair. Restore. Heal.


There's nothing new here

The Affordable Care Act

We're restoring it 


America's Day

Democracy is fragile

The world is watching 


Strategy is based

On Science, not politics

Truth, not denial



Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!

Tag Cloud

seasons The future My Estate Bodysurfing Brain Surgery Coyotes Hand Planes Joan Jett Liz Phair Stairs Allergies Barber Shops afterlife Martinis Peacekeeping Butterfingers Cornhole star Red Sox Scotch and Sirloin Zoom Wind Biden Things I've done Rock Bands Candy Europe Ticketmaster tambourrine Tom Waits Existential Crisis Soccer First World Problems When I die coronavirus Eating and Drinking Boston Godfather nukes Snow Guns Theater The Old Days Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Mike Doughty Climate Change soapbox rantings Drumming Diseases Them Kids Sugarbush Roommates I've Had weather curling shoes Accounting acerbic high school principal Guns and Ammo Dad advice War and Peace Mass General Hospital Pats Hot Air Balloon Hache Verde Audubon Bar Chowder Vaughn plan mid-winter vacations Big Shoes Email Religion high winds Mustard Cats COVID Bands I haven't seen Sports the future People I know Food NPR Quebect Bikes Car Dealerships Skiing Eclipse COVID-19 Spice Girls Skating Imaginings BB King Motorists the sea Ukraine town square Vaccines China My grandparents Head injuries Plastic Art punk music Audio TV Me Bill Monroe Politics As Usual My sisters Work Music Elvis Presley Spoon the band Higher Education Hawaii Canada Christmas Advertising Reveillon Soul Coughing Communication Channels technology vacation Cars Ice Dancing Ketchup Yeast Folk Music gathering throngs Bunker Rabbit Hole Bands I've Seen The Past Soup Marketing Gimmicks Putin Golf Bands I've seen midwinter vacations Grass Skiing New England The Future Soviet Union Fiction Beer Mom and Dad Bicycles Knots My Parents Hurricanes cornhole Weather Texting Bob Dylan US Senate Halloween Trump NFL Football Syracuse Royal Stuff Belgian Ales baseball Stories I should write Earth Canadiana 1980s Good Reads