WITH TWO YOUNG KIDS, MY WIFE AND I ARE USUALLY TOO TAXED AND TIRED FOR ALONE TIME. BUT I THINK I HAVE THE SOLUTION.
Now in the seventh year of our marriage, my wife and I seem to be on a never-ending quest to find time when we are simultaneously together and at least marginally awake.
In this age of two-earner families and equal distribution of work, we men are expected to handle any and all tasks related to the house and children. Mowing the lawn and fixing leaking faucets go without saying, but I’m also required to cook meals, wash clothes, and take the kids on outings.
WHY IS ROMANCE A RARE WINTERTIME TREAT? FOOTED PAJAMAS AND RUNNY NOSES ARE LOUSY APHRODISIACS.
In the dead of winter, today’s couple must deal with a host of challenges in their romantic lives. Let’s say, for example, that your wintertime body temperature is like my wife’s and hovers around 10 degrees below that of a normal human being. Getting that body temperature up where it belongs requires keeping clothes on, which is a natural impediment to romance. It’s true that I’m not helping much by keeping the heat set at 64 degrees when we’re awake, but global warming isn’t yet helping to defray our heating costs. My wife employs several layers of fleece and a blanket around the shoulders just to make the evening tolerable, so it’s not hard to understand why she wishes to disrobe as few times as possible in the winter.
I CAN BLOW MONEY ON SILLY PURCHASES. AS LONG AS I'M JUST BLOWING MY OWN MONEY.
The early 40s can be a time of great upheaval in a man’s life, as he becomes susceptible to emotional turbulence that can seriously impair his judgment. The typical example finds a middle-aged man on the precipice of making an ill-conceived purchase that could resonate for years, plunging his marriage into a dark period that can only be remedied by winning the lottery. And even though he is aware of this outcome, he’ll buy that regulation-size pool table anyway, and take up every inch of the newly finished family room with it.
SHOULD WE TRY FOR ANOTHER BABY? IT DEPENDS.
When my wife and I married in 2003, we did so without having settled the question of whether we would have children. It was always out there as a possibility, much in the same way that humans one day inhabiting Mars is a possibility, but we agreed that life without kids was pretty great, so if we decided not to, or simply couldn’t, our lives wouldn’t be ruined. But eventually we came to the conclusion that it was our duty to pass onto future generations the kind of genetic material that yields pale skin and a plump midsection, resulting in our gift to the world: a child who calls my allergy pills “beautiful” and tells my wife she is a “good cloth worker.”