PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

New Creative Nonfiction "Audio Art"

 

In this new "radio play" (such an old fashioned concept!) that I’m not going to have to write because it’s going to write itself, a verbally sniping couple are in the midst of a bitter divorce and plan to sell their house to divide up the assets. The problem is that although there is a lot of interest, the house has a strange quirk that prevents anyone from making an offer. It seems that you can only enter the kitchen by walking up a set of 3 steps onto a landing, then down the other side. What the heck?!

Let’s face it, this is why the wife and husband are getting divorced, as the wife didn’t really want to house in the first place due to the odd access to the kitchen, but was goaded into buying it by her husband, the knucklehead! This, despite the fact that some previous owner had blocked off a key route to the kitchen by installing a half bath on the first floor.

The couple, who are barely on speaking terms, decide to do an open house and have friends come in and pose as buyers. The phony prospective “buyers” are there to have private conversations rather too loudly: “Move the bathroom 90 degrees so you can have a pass through from the library. Put a center island here. Have a mudroom over there.” Etc.

Well, before you know it, there are numerous offers, as buyers have now overheard how to fix the kitchen-access problem. A bidding war ensues. Except guess who is involved in the bidding war? Both pairs of phony buyers! These people have done such thorough thinking about the flow conundrum and various work-arounds for it that they simply must have this house! As a result, the sellers find themselves refereeing a rather unseemly battle between former friends.

In the end, the sellers don’t end up selling anything, deciding that a renovation would fix their house and repair their marriage.

Expect this to be a “Friday Play” on the BBC Radio 4 in the next 3 or so years.

Walking And Talking
More Crust, Please
 

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Tuesday, 13 November 2018

Trumpian Tweetage Haiku Continuum

 

 

NBC FAKE NEWS
The Harvey Weinstein Story
Look at their license?

 

Investigations
Republican Congressmen
Two wins now in doubt.

 

Dems love Sessions now
Same thing: lyin' James Comey
Saint-like. Really sick.

 

Russia: "nothing to
do with meddling." Why isn't
Hillary looked at?

 

The Special Counsel
Is UNCONSTITUTIONAL
I’ve done nothing wrong

 

 

The phony witch hunt

The soon to be released book
Looks like a big hit

 

Fake News Media

Together with the witch hunt:

My best poll numbers

 

“Caravans” coming

Must go nuclear option.

NO MORE DACA DEAL!

 

We don’t have a wall

Not going to have a country

FUND THE BORDER WALL

 

Trade Wars are good and

Easy to win. They get cute?

Don't trade; we win big!

 

Gun-adept coaches

Weapons-talented teachers

Instantly Shooting

 

Promote the Fake Book

Mentally Deranged Author

False Information

 

Now that collusion

With Russia: a total hoax

FBI/Russia

 

Kim Jong Un, I too

Have a nuclear button.

And my button works.

 

 

Tax cut/Reform bill

Massive Alaska Drilling

Incredible Year

 

 

United Nations

Sanctions on North Korea

World wants Peace, not Death

 

 

False Accusations.

Women I don't know. FAKE NEWS!

Collusion. Russia.

 

Army Navy Game

COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF'S TROPHY

Congratulations

 

Pelosi/Schumer

He's bad on Crime, Life, Border.

Vets. Guns. VOTE ROY MOORE!

 

 

Time Magazine Called

Prob'ly "Person of the Year"

I took a pass. Thanks!

 

The Christmas Story

Mother, Father, Baby Son

Jesus Christ. Bahrain.

 

Matt Lauer just fired

When will top executives

Be fired for Fake News? 

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