New Social Media Website: AssFace
The little I know about Facebook tells me it’s really not for people who wish to make use of social media without others knowing what they look like. As I understand it, they called it Facebook in the first place because you are required by company policy to show your face. However, some people just don’t feel comfortable revealing their faces online to the rest of the world. Who knows what sicko out there might take a screen shot of it and manipulate it in Photoshop to make it look like you have leprosy, then do something that causes the photo to "go viral" such that your mother passes out. Anyway, I believe someone (me! Or I!) should create a social media site for these faceless people.
My first thought was to call it “AssBook,” and instead of posting photos of their faces, users would show their asses. This got me a lot of interesting and really adamant responses from friends and relatives. I’m not convinced they really understood what I was imagining or could visualize the grandeur of the site the way I did. I was envisioning millions (billions?) of people all over the world revealing their asses instead of their faces. As a result, I agreed to tweak the name of the site to mollify these complainers, and settled on AssFace. Because of this new name, I’m going to require users of my site to show a picture not just of their ass, but of their ass’s face.
Of course, I’ve been informed that it’s harder to obtain an ass than you might think. It’s not like you can go down to the hardware store and buy yourself one.
Not My Ass
The wild ass above is not mine, but I’d be pleased if it were. I obtained the photo from the website FactZoo.com. Sure, it’s one of the odder looking wild assess I’ve ever seen, and precious little in the way of this individual’s history and behavior is offered on the site, but still, I would surmise that it's a young and, quite possibly, strong ass. I would be honored to show off this ass on my AssFace page.
Sorry. Getting word over the headphones that the animal pictured above is not, in fact, an ass (wild or otherwise). Repeat, the above is not a wild ass. Rather, it is a “jackass,” or a male mule. Well that makes a little more sense! So now I have to decide if I’m going to change the name of the site to “JackassFace” or leave well enough alone.
However, I believe I have solved the problem of what to do about getting asses to our citizens who are so clearly in need of them. I’m going to start a program called “Adopt a Wild Ass.” This will create a “virtual” way to obtain an ass from, say, Africa, or parts of Asia. Now I just have to find a way to get native peoples digital cameras and the means to send us photos of our adoptees. E-mail attachment is what I’m thinking. (Note to self: work on getting native peoples the infrastructure needed to power their homes so they can buy computers and send e-mail to me).