PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

This text is currently hidden by a css change. Alow's me to go directly to the category description because it is editable in the front end,
Font size: +

Recalibration

Isn’t it good just to press the reset button sometimes? Maybe work is stressful, or you’re having trouble with that old jalopy of a vehicle that’s been held together with rope and duct tape for years. Or maybe there is suddenly a pandemic and the globe is awash in disease, except in places where it’s not an actual disease but a concept made-up to wreck the economy and many people’s lives (wait – who does that?!).

Perhaps people are having massive eating and drinking orgies during the economy-wrecking hoax, and that unnerves you. “Why aren’t you guys wearing masks while eating and drinking?” you call out to a crowd of people you encounter at a pop-up restaurant, and then realize how stupid you have made your cause sound.

This is when it’s time to pick up your beer grain scale in such a way as to be holding the “units” and “on/off” button at the same time, inadvertently causing the device to enter “calibration mode," from which there is no return. No “exit” button. No “back.” From here until you can find an “accurate 10 Kg weight” to properly calibrate the device, you cannot use it.

OK, no problem. A guy like me who has paddled the Allagash Wilderness Waterway can figure out how to obtain a 10 Kg weight. Those must be everywhere!

What about at the university gym you belong to? Never mind!

Maybe a neighbor has purchased used barbell weights via a Craigslist posting in a country that once hosted the Olympics, and you could borrow a couple.

Heck! You might as well buy a new scale. It costs twice as much to purchase a 10 kg. weight and have it delivered to your home.

Now what are you supposed to do when your wife asks you to weigh the zucchini? You’ve had too many defeats already this week to find yourself unable to determine if the little piglet sized vegetables she has pulled from the garden weigh 1 pound or 10.

Another option is to visit Tim’s kitchen, where there is a mini scale, and where Lily the cat can watch you weigh beer grains into a plastic food storage container until Tim’s mini scale reads 451 grams, which, when added to 2 10 lb. sacks of grain plus a few hundred grams to account for the weight of the bucket, results in a weight of, more or less, 10 Kg.

Grain scale now recalibrated, life can get back to (relative) normal.

The Future Of My Tweets
Keynote
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Guest
Tuesday, 18 June 2024

 

 

Daily Haiku

 

Cats oft’ void their guts.

They cough out fur balls. They puke.  

We tread carefully.  

 

College Tuition

We dig ourselves a deep hole

Need a second job.

 

Now that I’m sixty

People think I’m a wise man

Probably, I’m not

 

I’m in my Fifties

But tomorrow I’m Sixty

Will need a sports car

 

My PCP Says

“Keep doin’ what yer doin’”

Prob’ly I should not

 

It’s St. Patrick’s Day

We eat beef that has been corned

Whatever that means

 

Robots and A.I.

I will make use of these soon

To do my taxes

 

Strange Oscar night end

Pacino failed to mention

Best pic nominees

 

Who’s this Katie Britt?

Scary. Wierd. We could have used

A Trigger Warning

 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!

Tag Cloud

Stories I should write Football Zoom Fiction NFL Pats Emergencies Drumming Soup gathering throngs Halloween Short Fiction Royal Stuff Mustard Big Shoes Syracuse War and Peace Food Sugarbush Knots Plastic Allergies COVID NPR Accounting nukes Hache Verde Rabbit Hole Putin Bill Monroe Bikes acerbic high school principal Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde Communication Channels The Future Chowder Vaughn Real Estate Bands I've seen Motorists Ice Dancing Spice Girls Texting Earth Coyotes coronavirus Grass Skiing Rock Bands Sports Psychology Dad advice Quebect Radiohead weather Smoke Meat Joan Jett Elvis Presley Theater Eating and Drinking TV town square Little League My Parents Vaccines When I die Higher Education College high winds Head injuries Teeth The Old Days Belgian Ales plan mid-winter vacations Bunker Bob Dylan Hawaii Golf Bicycles Biden People I know Yeast seasons Existential Crisis Beer cornhole Barber Shops curling shoes Soul Coughing China Art My grandparents Audio Skiing Work Butterfingers vacation Peter Paul and Mary My Estate tambourrine First World Problems Them Kids Spoon the band Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Weather Hot Air Balloon Canada Candy Trump Imaginings Marketing Gimmicks Guns and Ammo Email 1980s Scotch and Sirloin Brewing the future Soviet Union Diseases Ketchup Advertising New England Mike Doughty The future the sea winter Christmas Stairs Cars Soccer Snow Guns afterlife Peacekeeping COVID-19 Bands I haven't seen Hurricanes Politics As Usual Cornhole star Me Music Canadiana punk music Wind Skating Bands I've Seen Folk Music technology Mom and Dad Hand Planes Liz Phair Brain Surgery Audubon Bar Godfather Red Sox The Past Reveillon Martinis Things I've done Bodysurfing Eclipse Roommates I've Had Ticketmaster US Senate Religion Masks BB King Europe Ukraine midwinter vacations Cats Boston soapbox rantings Car Dealerships baseball My sisters Climate Change Tom Waits Mass General Hospital Good Reads Sports