Super Bowl Monday
In Canada and about 120 other countries, “Easter Monday” is an official holiday, with schools closed and civil servants not serving much of anything to anyone. This is just one of many reasons that Canada is better than the US. I aim to fix this issue once and for all.
I hereby propose that the day after the “Super Bowl” (an apparently illegal word cluster that will have to be removed by my staff of highly-paid editors) be an official vacation day for the whole damned country. This will give us time to reflect, collectively, on what we just witnessed: procedures that were illegal; conduct that was unsportsmanlike; starts that were false. We can also tally up all the torn ACLs, MCLs, and meniscuses, using one of those blown-knee abacuses (or is it abaci?), and put ice packs on our heads in a clichéd exhibition of hangover remedies.
Cue the Duck Boats.