My Musings

This text is currently hidden by a css change. Alow's me to go directly to the category description because it is editable in the front end,

My Tools

When I die, I’m going to leave a lot of tools behind, and I’m worried that you’re going to use them inappropriately and hurt yourself. Despite their colorful outer shells that draw you in for a closer look and beckon you to plug them in and give them a whirl, they aren’t toys. Several of them can easily cut off a limb, put out an eye, or burn you badly.

My guess is that this won’t dissuade my friends from engaging in a melee after my untimely demise. The tear-streaked faces of my wife and kids, still shocked that I’m no longer here on earth and pretty certain I’m not anywhere else either, watch in disbelief as you guys come waltzing into my basement with a twelve pack and start grabbing at my chop saw.

Then, during calling hours, a line forms leading up to the casket, where I can be found laid out with a weird smile on my face, thanks to the misguided work of a new, young undertaker. You utter a few polite remarks to my family and hope to move on, but find that the greeting line is backed up thanks to an octogenarian who has knelt to pray over my dead body and then can’t get back up onto his feet. It’s awkward to be standing there and not saying anything more than “He was a great guy. Really, great guy.” So eventually you blurt, “So, uh, how many battery packs does his impact driver have?”

My personal opinion is that the family should just put everything out on the sidewalk and see who takes what. Bar clamps, pipe clamps, drills, levels, hammers, wrenches, torches, anything that wasn’t put into my personal pyramid in case I need it for the afterlife is sitting out there for the taking.

Of course, no duct tape will be left for the taking, as that is going to be part of my afterlife “tool kit.” But don’t worry – they carry it at most hardware stores. 

Continue reading
  697 Hits



J'Biden Era Haikuage


People's Arms. That's right!

200 million shots

In 100 days


We are good people

But we still have far to go

Repair. Restore. Heal.


There's nothing new here

The Affordable Care Act

We're restoring it 


America's Day

Democracy is fragile

The world is watching 


Strategy is based

On Science, not politics

Truth, not denial



Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!

Tag Cloud

Bands I've Seen China People I know Imaginings Spice Girls Dad advice Hand Planes COVID Audubon Bar Allergies My sisters My grandparents Hache Verde Reveillon The Old Days Earth Communication Channels Mike Doughty Bikes My Estate Soul Coughing punk music Stairs Texting Peacekeeping weather Drumming Ticketmaster curling shoes gathering throngs baseball vacation Theater Hurricanes coronavirus Quebect Rabbit Hole Cars Zoom Bob Dylan NPR Yeast My Parents seasons Mass General Hospital Spoon the band The Past high winds the sea New England Mom and Dad Accounting TV Ukraine Weather COVID-19 War and Peace Tom Waits Trump Brain Surgery Christmas Royal Stuff Vaccines Higher Education Skating Climate Change When I die afterlife Biden Ketchup Wind technology Work Me Art Folk Music Canada tambourrine Bands I've seen Chowder Vaughn Sugarbush US Senate Cats Scotch and Sirloin Liz Phair Soviet Union Roommates I've Had midwinter vacations Beer Putin Cornhole star plan mid-winter vacations Bicycles Plastic Bunker Bands I haven't seen Eating and Drinking soapbox rantings Skiing Pats Grass Skiing Barber Shops Religion nukes cornhole Car Dealerships Snow Guns town square Sports Advertising Hot Air Balloon Canadiana Guns and Ammo Diseases Ice Dancing Hawaii Bodysurfing 1980s Music Eclipse Food Martinis the future The Future Big Shoes Politics As Usual Them Kids Belgian Ales Syracuse Things I've done Good Reads Golf Email Coyotes Fiction Knots Red Sox Boston Rock Bands Audio Mustard Soup acerbic high school principal Existential Crisis The future Marketing Gimmicks