PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

This text is currently hidden by a css change. Alow's me to go directly to the category description because it is editable in the front end,

Oh Canada!


I'm starting to wonder if our neighbor up north decided to throw in the towel. "You guys go ahead without me," says Canada, rooting around in an old metal cooler for an ice-cold Molson's and cracking it open with its teeth. "I've had a nice career, but it's time for me to put up my feet and watch 'Hockey Night in Canada'."

Hockey Night in Canada? It's not even Hockey Week in Canada, thanks to the wicked Coronavirus variant du jour, Omicron. 

This bodes not well for my Canadian family. I sent a friendly, personal letter to the maple leaf country in the spring of 2021 asking if it would be a terrible imposition for it to verify that my children were bona fide citizens, able to travel freely across the frozen tundra and maybe attend one of the lower-priced institutes of higher education that Canada has on offer. Alas, no response. I had done the same in the spring of 2020 and waited more than ten months before Canada sent back a terse note rejecting the applications on technical grounds: "Your children's photos aren't dated."

Darned Canada and its bureaucratic red tape!

I didn't whine but sent applications anew with dated photos, knowing that arguing with such a large country would be a waste of time. I've tried to argue with countries in the past, and I always lose. Large nations have lots of lawyers who advise them to stall, and an inbox that no one monitors. Plus, Canada is too busy trying to figure out how to make the best use of newly melting artic ice to respond to my queries. The scheme Canada hatched to fill 2-ounce plastic containers and sell each as "a former chunk of iceberg" that is "refreezable" was thwarted when the original bottlecaps it ordered leaked, undermining the marketing message that "tubes of melted iceberg make perfect stocking stuffers." Canada tried to get replacements before the start of the holiday shopping season but were stymied by supply-chain issues. Meanwhile, the ice keeps retreating and there is no room to store additional water. Serves you right, Canada!

I expect that our wintry pal next door will eventually come to its senses and will send me a response along the lines of, "We reject your applications on the grounds that your children's photos are out of date." Though technically true, this is only because Canada has been rooting around for more beer in the ice-filled cooler instead of processing my application.

I cling to a small measure of hope, given that as Canada is settling into its Barcalounger and reaching for the remote, the NHL is postponing all games for a week. Just enough time to open a few more applications and make good on my request. 

Continue reading
  542 Hits

The Royal Oui

And where was I during the Royal Wedding, hmm? It’s a question a lot of people have been asking themselves and each other. The scuttlebutt is that the paparazzi were hounding me and my family, so we went incognito and flew under the radar.

Cut to the Fake News Media, which spreads lies claiming that I wasn’t even invited. Ha, what a laugh! I was invited, but it turns out that, by rule, only a certain number of us Canadians are allowed to attend royal weddings in a given year. That’s the kind of international discrimination we Canadians have to endure. I’d like to see the reaction you Americans would have if a cap were imposed on your numbers at royal weddings. You’d probably invade the wedding with Marines.

Anyway, by now you must know that I’m not really into “the spotlight.” Oh, sure, it might look like I am, the way I beam radiantly whenever the fake news media’s cameras are trained on me, but that’s just a front. Under that thin veneer is a shy fellow who’d prefer to sit in the shadows.

Hanging in the shadows for the next couple of days, if you care to visit.

Continue reading
  1909 Hits

 

 

J'Biden Era Haikuage

 

People's Arms. That's right!

200 million shots

In 100 days

 

We are good people

But we still have far to go

Repair. Restore. Heal.

 

There's nothing new here

The Affordable Care Act

We're restoring it 

 

America's Day

Democracy is fragile

The world is watching 

 

Strategy is based

On Science, not politics

Truth, not denial

 

 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!

Tag Cloud

Eclipse nukes Pats Eating and Drinking Bands I've seen Plastic Email Bob Dylan Food Drumming Golf Hawaii Texting Bunker Bikes My grandparents Beer Rock Bands War and Peace Martinis Boston Ticketmaster Bicycles Hache Verde The Old Days Weather Spoon the band Knots Reveillon acerbic high school principal Skating Diseases technology Snow Guns Fiction Mike Doughty Peacekeeping Tom Waits Guns and Ammo Trump Bodysurfing Hand Planes Rabbit Hole Christmas The Future China Existential Crisis People I know Marketing Gimmicks Sugarbush cornhole Hot Air Balloon the future Accounting Soup Mass General Hospital Cats Climate Change Me When I die coronavirus Imaginings Audubon Bar My Parents Good Reads Music Brain Surgery punk music weather Advertising Coyotes Royal Stuff Vaccines Big Shoes Mom and Dad baseball Sports seasons Earth Religion TV Barber Shops Roommates I've Had Spice Girls The future Cornhole star Dad advice Mustard Work Bands I've Seen New England Ketchup Communication Channels NPR Wind gathering throngs COVID-19 Quebect soapbox rantings My sisters Car Dealerships Soul Coughing Grass Skiing Them Kids Things I've done Chowder Vaughn Higher Education Soviet Union midwinter vacations Stairs plan mid-winter vacations Ukraine Belgian Ales tambourrine Hurricanes high winds town square Bands I haven't seen Canadiana Folk Music Allergies US Senate The Past Theater Yeast Ice Dancing Zoom Skiing Putin My Estate 1980s Canada afterlife COVID Syracuse Art the sea Cars Scotch and Sirloin vacation Red Sox Liz Phair curling shoes Politics As Usual Audio Biden