PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Aliens

Have asteroids been keeping you up at night? They’ve sure done a number on my sleep. I have several astrophysicists on retainer who specialize in asteroid behavior, and these highly-paid and therefore trusted confidants allege that a host of alien bodies are poised to break through our protective atmosphere and pummel us in the coming millenia, wrecking our progress.

Great, there goes my hope of getting a Jaguar! Thanks a lot, you damned, dirty asteroids! Now I have to find myself a Toyota Land Rover, with extra canisters for gasoline, so I can play the wild rover and go off road. Can’t do that in a Jaguar.

This all assumes I’m not in the path of the asteroid, as I’m told it will wreak havoc for thousands of miles. The good news is that I have Canadian citizenship and will not get stopped at the border if that’s the direction I try to head in. On the other hand, Mexico might keep me out.

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