PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

Walking Tall

Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of crazy stuff (also called “crazy shit” by people whose blogs aren’t quite as decent as mine), but among the crazier stuff is that the latest and sexiest article of impeachment against old whatsisname (former president, heavy dude, blond-esque hair, golfs a lot – you know who I mean) is being “walked over” to the Senate from the House.

What the heck! If you stood up for justice and truth, like several politicians did, you can’t even walk yourself down the street these days, let along walk a document indicting the plump, red-hat wearing dude who incited an insurrection. Are the articles being walked over with armed military personnel protecting the brave person doing the walking, or is some page skipping along to grandmother’s house without protection from the wolves? If it’s me, I get on my bike and ride like holy hell, flipping the bird to would-be articles-of-impeachment-thieves.

Anyway, don’t they know that we keep copies?

Hang on. I have people jumping up and down and waving their arms to get my attention. OK now they’re making that circular motion with index fingers around their temples to indicate that I’m crazy.

Ha, well, it turns out that it’s walked over because both houses of congress are in the same building. Except, wait, that’s the Capitol building.

I still think we need a robust security detail walking this one over.

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Retirement

Not that I have any idea how to manage this website, or that you’re actually reading it, but I think it’s the right time to announce that the sidebar to the right, which I stopped adding content to some years ago when President 45’s rhetoric stopped being merely idiotic and became downright incendiary, be retired in favor of something more uplifting.

Pictures of puppies!

OK, no.

I’m going to see if I can find in the inaugural words of our next president, Uncle Joe, an apt haiku to post to this sidebar. Basically, I have no idea how to get rid of this sliver of vertical verbiage. Maybe the refreshed haikus will become “a thing” (as my son tends to say) and the world will finally pay attention to me.

Yeah, probably not.

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White Sale

Like you, I’m really curious about what happens with Whitehouse furniture and accessories when there is a change in presidents. Not counting my chickens before they hatch, heh heh, but someone better be thinking about this. I don’t want the transfer of power to be held up thanks to a lack of foresight on packing up the former – ack!, excuse me, current – “President.”

"Sorry, the family isn't fully packed up yet." 

Too effing bad. You're out. 

Also, what’s swapped out and what isn’t? I imagine Joe and Jill Biden would be expected to eat off the same plates, insert the same forks into their mouths, and nestle their buttocks into the same dining room upholstery imprints that Donald and Melania Trump have been avialing themselves of until the day of the inauguration. I mean, we’re not getting new furniture every time there is a change of presidents, are we?

On the other hand, there's bound to be leftover coronavirus-goo on the dining room chairs. If I were offered a free weekend vacation in the Whitehouse just after the Trumps departed, to be honest I’d pass. Sorry, but not worth it!

If there is a change in presidents (please, please) I’d recommend that the Bidens discard the  linens. That’s just me from my little perch here in the layperson peanut gallery. I certainly don’t speak for Anthony Fauci, but I’ll bet “The Fouch” would endorse that plan, plus recommend a week or so of time between first families in order to properly fumigate the place. If every surface has to be wiped down, every sheet and towel disinfected, and every mattress inspected for party stains, it’s going to take time.

What about the toilet paper? Is Jill Biden supposed to draw off the same roll of TP that Donald Trump was using earlier that same day? Did anyone bother to take off the last few sheets and create a triangular fold, like they do in the very high-class establishments I routinely stay in?

And what about the second wave of toilet paper deficit? And the “Toilet Paper War”? Yeah, sounds comical, but there are a lot of guns out there, and I expect a war over toilet paper if this pandemic gets much worse.

Lots to consider. 

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Mr. Blimp

In my many years of predicting the future, I have never been so wrong as I have about the period in which we currently live. I thought I had it nailed!

That we’re not flying personal blimps to and from work by now I find very odd. I had long thought personal blimps were the transportation of the future, but other (lesser) futurists have thrown cold water on my ideas by claiming that once a lot of people start flying personal blimps to work, well, you’d start to need blimp traffic signals. Which implied blimp accidents, and blimp rollovers, and blimp traffic jams. Which implied not much better than what we currently have. I was sure we were on the precipice of a great blimp movement, but people got so freaked out by this misinformation campaign that no one would get behind the blimp idea, and it petered out.  

Alas! And now it turns out there isn’t even much road traffic. Do you realize that I drove from West Roxbury to Cambridge and never once touched my brakes? Slight exaggeration: there were some geese that wouldn’t get out of the way, but after that it was just give it gas and turn the wheel.

My personal opinion, It’s important to get into your car now, while gas prices are low and you are actually allowed to go to the ski slopes.

Wait a minute: can we still ski?

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J'Biden Era Haikuage

 

People's Arms. That's right!

200 million shots

In 100 days

 

We are good people

But we still have far to go

Repair. Restore. Heal.

 

There's nothing new here

The Affordable Care Act

We're restoring it 

 

America's Day

Democracy is fragile

The world is watching 

 

Strategy is based

On Science, not politics

Truth, not denial

 

 

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