PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

This text is currently hidden by a css change. Alow's me to go directly to the category description because it is editable in the front end,

The Unperturbed Juror

If I were a Senator in a presidential impeachment trial, I would try to look like a person who’s completely uninterested in the proceedings. Feet up, reading a book. Maybe opening bills and junk mail and separating the wheat from the chaff.

Did the Red Sox trade Andrew Benintendi?!

I haven’t smoked a cigarette in a couple of decades, but I’m suddenly emboldened. Maybe a cigarette on the end of a long, black, wooden holder. And I’m wearing a top hat or something.

If I had a toaster with me, this would be a great time to be making toast. I like my toast to be ever so, made of freshly baked bread so that toasting it brings out the yeasty aroma and creates hot craters for butter to melt into, with only the very ends of the puffed wheat actually browning.

How can I be expected to listen to a case of inciting an insurrection by a sitting president if I’m trying to make the perfect slice of toast?

Another thing I like to do during impeachment trials is learn how to tie a new knot. As a knot aficionado, having another knot in my arsenal can’t hurt. There is certain to come a time when the knots I’m currently able to tie don’t serve my purposes, and… shoot, is that a roll call? Wait, when are we supposed to be voting?!

…Oh, phew, ok false alarm!

Vote is later today. (Isn’t it?)

Continue reading
  1023 Hits

Walking Tall

Over the years, I’ve heard a lot of crazy stuff (also called “crazy shit” by people whose blogs aren’t quite as decent as mine), but among the crazier stuff is that the latest and sexiest article of impeachment against old whatsisname (former president, heavy dude, blond-esque hair, golfs a lot – you know who I mean) is being “walked over” to the Senate from the House.

What the heck! If you stood up for justice and truth, like several politicians did, you can’t even walk yourself down the street these days, let along walk a document indicting the plump, red-hat wearing dude who incited an insurrection. Are the articles being walked over with armed military personnel protecting the brave person doing the walking, or is some page skipping along to grandmother’s house without protection from the wolves? If it’s me, I get on my bike and ride like holy hell, flipping the bird to would-be articles-of-impeachment-thieves.

Anyway, don’t they know that we keep copies?

Hang on. I have people jumping up and down and waving their arms to get my attention. OK now they’re making that circular motion with index fingers around their temples to indicate that I’m crazy.

Ha, well, it turns out that it’s walked over because both houses of congress are in the same building. Except, wait, that’s the Capitol building.

I still think we need a robust security detail walking this one over.

Continue reading
  1064 Hits

Retirement

Not that I have any idea how to manage this website, or that you’re actually reading it, but I think it’s the right time to announce that the sidebar to the right, which I stopped adding content to some years ago when President 45’s rhetoric stopped being merely idiotic and became downright incendiary, be retired in favor of something more uplifting.

Pictures of puppies!

OK, no.

I’m going to see if I can find in the inaugural words of our next president, Uncle Joe, an apt haiku to post to this sidebar. Basically, I have no idea how to get rid of this sliver of vertical verbiage. Maybe the refreshed haikus will become “a thing” (as my son tends to say) and the world will finally pay attention to me.

Yeah, probably not.

Continue reading
  1042 Hits

Wha, Who, Me?

Whenever my followers are found to be whipped up into a riotous frenzy, smashing windows and stealing letterhead from my enemies and so forth, all eyes immediately turn to me. Like I held a gun to people’s heads and forced them to abscond with that lectern or suggested that they take a leak into a Congressman’s coffee mug. 

Do I know that coffee mugs were repurposed into urinals? Not exactly. But my limited experience with shirtless people wearing fur hats and face paint and carrying spears is that they usually have to relieve themselves mid-riot, and if a Congresperson’s mug is just sitting there unused, well, it might as well be put into action.  

There was a lack of preparation for these riots, with far too few porta-potties mobilized for such a huge crowd such that some rioters missed storming the Capitol because they were in a porta-potty line and didn’t want to lose their places. In 2021, that’s shameful.

Not to create a diversion or anything, but I’m wondering if it might make sense to award the Presidential Medal of Freedom to a few professional bowlers this week.

Continue reading
  1028 Hits

 

 

Daily Haiku

 

Cats oft’ void their guts.

They cough out fur balls. They puke.  

We tread carefully.  

 

College Tuition

We dig ourselves a deep hole

Need a second job.

 

Now that I’m sixty

People think I’m a wise man

Probably, I’m not

 

I’m in my Fifties

But tomorrow I’m Sixty

Will need a sports car

 

My PCP Says

“Keep doin’ what yer doin’”

Prob’ly I should not

 

It’s St. Patrick’s Day

We eat beef that has been corned

Whatever that means

 

Robots and A.I.

I will make use of these soon

To do my taxes

 

Strange Oscar night end

Pacino failed to mention

Best pic nominees

 

Who’s this Katie Britt?

Scary. Wierd. We could have used

A Trigger Warning

 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!

Tag Cloud

The Future Bikes Climate Change The Past soapbox rantings TV coronavirus Mass General Hospital gathering throngs Snow Guns Religion Cats Biden Music Advertising COVID Spoon the band Bob Dylan Candy tambourrine Masks Sugarbush vacation Knots Them Kids NFL Bands I've seen Football Godfather My Estate Big Shoes Folk Music Barber Shops Skating Wind Skiing Chowder Vaughn Syracuse Drumming Rock Bands Bill Monroe Marketing Gimmicks Politics As Usual Belgian Ales Grass Skiing Higher Education Soviet Union Coyotes First World Problems Real Estate My Parents Pats Quebect Roommates I've Had Cars Joan Jett Ketchup Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Audio Brain Surgery The Old Days Beer Royal Stuff Bands I've Seen Texting Zoom seasons Boston Reveillon high winds Canada War and Peace Bicycles technology Bunker BB King Brewing Eating and Drinking Butterfingers Peacekeeping town square Bodysurfing Ukraine When I die China Sports Car Dealerships Canadiana Theater cornhole The future College Mike Doughty Mustard Hache Verde curling shoes Diseases Christmas Mom and Dad Fiction Things I've done Bands I haven't seen Elvis Presley Spice Girls People I know NPR Hot Air Balloon Audubon Bar Plastic My sisters Earth Motorists the future Hawaii Tom Waits Soul Coughing winter Trump Imaginings Liz Phair Stairs Existential Crisis Allergies Soccer midwinter vacations Accounting Hand Planes Good Reads acerbic high school principal Me afterlife Soup weather Email Guns and Ammo Cornhole star US Senate Ice Dancing Rabbit Hole Vaccines Weather Food Emergencies Europe the sea punk music Short Fiction New England Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde Red Sox Golf Yeast Scotch and Sirloin Work COVID-19 My grandparents Ticketmaster Stories I should write Hurricanes baseball nukes Martinis Dad advice Art Communication Channels plan mid-winter vacations Head injuries 1980s Halloween Eclipse Putin Teeth