PATRICK MCVAY

WRITER

My Musings

This text is currently hidden by a css change. Alow's me to go directly to the category description because it is editable in the front end,
Font size: +

The Knickerman

Someone should stage a dramatic reading of a play about one man's struggle to outfit himself with excellent and colorful golf knickers, which he believes is the only thing that stands between him and golf greatness.

Confounded by supply-chain and color-scheme issues, he tries but fails to outfit himself appropriately, which he tells his wife of some twenty years is the only reason he hasn't been able to join the tour. They live on a golf course because back in the day he convinced his then-fiancée, who knew less about golf that you do, that he was destined to be a touring pro, and she wanted to believe him because it sounded really awesome to be the wife of a guy who spends 100% of his time living out of suitcases and never seeing the kids.

Over time the woman comes to see that her husband has delusions of grandeur, since they live on the fairway of a short par 5 hole and she is able to spy him whack at the ball 8 or 9 times before it reaches the green. She hacks into his account at the country club they spend way too much money to be members of and sees that he possesses a 30+ handicap at the age of forty, and confronts him about it. "Of course, I have a 30+ handicap!" he hollers. "I don't have proper golf gear."

At her wits' end, she pulls out her mom's old Singer sewing machine and fashions the loudest, most ridiculous golf knickers she can conceive of, made of red fabric embroidered with little golf clubs and balls and bags, which she presents to him for his birthday, mostly as a joke. But he doesn't take it as a joke, donning the gear and heading straight for the first hole, where, as the lights dim all around except for a spotlight on him, a voice from the ether call his name to tee off at the US Open.

Question: should I first seek out a membership at a private golf club for the purposes of "research"?

Stop Driving While Texting!
A Pox On Your Portland Monkey
 

Comments

No comments made yet. Be the first to submit a comment
Already Registered? Login Here
Guest
Wednesday, 22 May 2024

 

 

Daily Haiku

 

Cats oft’ void their guts.

They cough out fur balls. They puke.  

We tread carefully.  

 

College Tuition

We dig ourselves a deep hole

Need a second job.

 

Now that I’m sixty

People think I’m a wise man

Probably, I’m not

 

I’m in my Fifties

But tomorrow I’m Sixty

Will need a sports car

 

My PCP Says

“Keep doin’ what yer doin’”

Prob’ly I should not

 

It’s St. Patrick’s Day

We eat beef that has been corned

Whatever that means

 

Robots and A.I.

I will make use of these soon

To do my taxes

 

Strange Oscar night end

Pacino failed to mention

Best pic nominees

 

Who’s this Katie Britt?

Scary. Wierd. We could have used

A Trigger Warning

 

Subscribe To The Blog

Produce This Audio Play!

Ever wanted to produce a radio play?  Think you have the mettle?  Read on!

Tag Cloud

seasons Boston Football The Past Bodysurfing US Senate tambourrine Spoon the band Cars afterlife 1980s Barber Shops Audio Brain Surgery COVID Rock Bands Politics As Usual When I die Drumming Big Shoes My Estate Hache Verde high winds Martinis New England Accounting Head injuries Stairs Teeth midwinter vacations My sisters Spice Girls Cornhole star Elvis Presley Dr. Jeckyll and Mr. Hyde winter Bikes Mom and Dad Skiing Bands I've seen Email Soul Coughing Bill Monroe Weather Mike Doughty People I know NPR Liz Phair Bob Dylan Belgian Ales Hand Planes coronavirus Trump Peacekeeping Tom Waits Car Dealerships Ticketmaster Climate Change BB King Things I've done Radiohead Beer Emergencies weather Rabbit Hole cornhole Yeast Existential Crisis Earth plan mid-winter vacations Me Bands I've Seen Knots Europe Hurricanes Dad advice Reveillon Short Fiction Art Texting Smoke Meat Bicycles Syracuse Wind Zoom War and Peace Bands I haven't seen Godfather Marketing Gimmicks Religion Music Stories I should write Vaccines Theater Mustard the sea Advertising Good Reads Joan Jett Communication Channels Ice Dancing The Future Imaginings NFL Guns and Ammo Pats Brewing Snow Guns Soccer Work Hot Air Balloon Soup Mass General Hospital Bunker My Parents Candy Roommates I've Had Christmas Diseases Skating The future Quebect Ketchup Halloween technology Biden Red Sox Grass Skiing baseball Reese's Peanut Butter Cups Ukraine Real Estate curling shoes Motorists punk music Food My grandparents Canadiana Eating and Drinking TV Cats Canada nukes soapbox rantings Hawaii Them Kids the future Scotch and Sirloin Soviet Union China Sugarbush Sports Audubon Bar First World Problems Fiction Chowder Vaughn vacation gathering throngs Butterfingers COVID-19 Higher Education Golf The Old Days Eclipse Putin Coyotes Allergies acerbic high school principal Folk Music town square Plastic Masks Royal Stuff College